A letter from March 24th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, i hope you're in your dream college today and everything is not in quarantine. Also hope you're able to read randomly thousands of books, watching endlessly tv-series and hear your parents how much they can't wait you to come back home to İzmir for holidays. I just checked the part i wrote now and i realize how formal it is smh.(göz deviren emoji burası) Whatever, everything is not so perfect right now, i am hoping to study more hard the rest of my last 3 months to THE exam in quarantine, make better results on denemeler and going to win an excellent university ve allah rızası için şaşırtmak my teachers be. Valla geri kalan zamanım için 12. sınıfım çöp olmuşa benziyor, mezuniyetimi bile görmeden ve balo elbisemi giymek için zayıflamadan koronadan ölebilirim ya da en kötüsü zayıflayınca bunların hiçbirini yapamayabiliriz. ALLAM LÜTFEN 2020'de EXCELLENT ÜNİVERSİTE YARABBİ. Nys. -öhöm- For now that's all i can say and i really really hope you're feeling soo beautiful and actually are, comfortable with yourself cause you showed your real potential abilities actually to yourself and so happy (cause i need to be right now), that you forget your 19th birthday because YOU ARE SO **** HAPPY TO REMEMBER. I hope i laugh at the situation i am in right now in your day, show this e-letter to my new friends or recent ones to make them laugh and be even more happy. Also, maybe you're in contact with Beyza, Rabia, İclal, Yaren and Gökçen. Maybe you're not. Maybe you met Asude again. Maybe you lost one of them. It doesn't matter, try contact and thank the rest please. Even if they don't know it well, they made your life better in so many ways you know. If you don't, know it. Because your life wasn't so easy (maybe because of your thoughts or the situations you're in) and won't be easy at 18 if you're alone. Make 19 better for yourself. Eat sushi, secretly hate it. Drink as much as you can. PLS CHANGE UR STYLE. Learn a new language. Improve yourself. Try everything you want. Don't dissapoint your 8-year-old-self like i did. Please love yourself. Don't push to crush even if things go wrong. Kendine de iyi bak, soğuktur oralar. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LİKE YOU SAY. Burası pek soğuk olmaz, alışmışsındır. But make a snow angel for me and the 6 years you couldn't. Smell this message, i am sooo sure it'll be smell like cologne from my quarantine days. HAPPY BİRTHDAY. SANA LOTS OF DEZENFEKTAN YOLLUYORUM, METRO TUTAMAÇLARINI TUTTUKTAN SONRA KULLANIRSIN. Değerimi bil. byü.

Epilogue

almost 4 years later

Dear past me,

Somehow, in 2021, I didn't reply to this letter. I think it was waiting for me to answer it today.
The horrendous days of quarantine ended in...

Nca uyo 122,0 xreal.
Ymornea, teh 'dont evli cylultaa u̇ltnbsai iiṙzm ruo to i ew aery baeusce nrespta lgceeol, ni evdmo rdesatt. .
Otg in e'sehr knkiet ot the th,ign ıdzyıl osoo, yuo. It ihngst ot evne dolwu tbu eht uoy ont aws ni nehpap iagmeni. . . . In agnugales heert 'oryeu sgynidut. Ahwt? elendar rnfceh nda uyo ouy kwon.
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Sad ewrit ormo mrof to tub no oyu go efca yuro ot teh ni lisem anrfec a mopr iwth ihts ruyo oiggn romd oyeu'r uo'ldtnc.
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Hte ni as nsmea you tno nhtik aotnctc uyr'eo nay htwi as nruetqef veboa of. Olst of uyo tmhe veen one. ): gtihr htat dgsuese.
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Yuo ni bsc ewdnidg to nfaerc ou'tlcnd you rewe ayner eram,dri og otg eht.
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L̇clia loces to has nui is hse a eaclp i,nfe. Of tow yuo eb mseo teehr saem usgse aech tiwh bset toni low'dtu otg yuo but eth of het ayd hosetr oyu nui htem endirf ttah u'tcondl eth.
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Gdoo gneökç si. She mulğa soueh edrent a in. Thwi hrtee kttuu stuieds she. Utb imh ddtn'i ouy ety ,rsroy eetm. Dya some utb scole.
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Abira tseusdi ni zirmi̇. Miṙzi ftrae taccnot eor'uy got uyo gania ubt ot ouy see her oncdutl' eleva ni.
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Llwi aylalcut uoy see eno audes yad. Liwl thsi tafc dinm a oyur i owlb ebt bnige. Tid'dn see i teshe uoy migocn kown.
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Eewr ti iltagkn be buoat ouy i itghm siad kwon ewnh adn lcdo oyu lnbtiuṡa. 'dnitdt hree dale lacpe flsceclypiia nad eeliveb hatt ,naem but ouy i aisd su yna. Waehter hiwt an cnaerf hnornert urend ezro eriezfgn hte to. Uecsbae ni eb 'tsi nrcie ???wtf? in ranfce ocdl so dan mchu ot.
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Nhpape rsgltesgu. Teh pehenpda last in yeht easry 5. Elppeo yanm ewdkor oyu mnya lierdft btu wtih dha bodrnewksa oot dra,h naym. Dna slto saperit oyu utb yuo iehter ecidr otsl entw to fo. Ocyuntr hnatroe btes got bed demov uyor tise,eomsm oleepp ot fo yuo btu dsa oyu wthi uot made you noe lu'tdcno of os rdfenis osla. Yuo oknw nad tn'do thwa tye aan?ig reh yuo eevn know. Ni aemdsr, ont si in thsi uory even hgrti?.
Sa eaothrn ti 'tndo tabou yuo i uoy thikn to riusott dtn'o rtowh wkno cnuorty nvee beecasu noigg a. .
It uoy rohwt het i,s nhigt. Orme oevl lsofeury yuo hatn neev olluy' oywrr kniht, 'otnd. .
Yuo o8easy-r-dl-fel royu you itd'dtn sadisopint keil edveible. .
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U,sihs uoy yl,cbilpu erdti ti i very seusg tehad ouy. Fetra erna atth psho to ushsi 'osnddalmc wtne eth ouy aebcuse eth. .
Wnos acn tpu a rael hktic i gnale i lhoetsc no esom noso emka sa as ftera fro lli' o,yu. (>: it losa i ecubsea hree tyeh niecs lstli ruayvnotill sllme nca ntod' with it i lsel me eloc,ngo hree eth orghtbu.
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Dna lyslt,a was 19 oodg. At ouy dmae 8 91 enw defnris. Ddi oot kile eyth eon ouy leedph on eels. Osecl 32 si oe'ury 22 n,ow. Ro'euy yrt leyorusf nad s,nderfi to lstli rovempi ifle ngmaki ewn btuao usceelsl iltsl u'eory. Tghin cmuh uiblelpas btu ueoy'v eevr mtos yerv le,tf the l'yolu ese htst'a.

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