A letter from December 28th, 2019

Dear Future Me, Half a decade ... i hope you spent it wisely. Because I know I will forget if I don't ask it now, Are you still playing violin ? Am I still bad ? I hope you finaly found the hapinness you were lacking for this pas decade, i hope you moved on from what has hurt you. What happened doesn't have to hurt you anymore. You can move on, and what better time for that than a new decade ? I wonder if you still think about Paul from time to time ? do you still miss him as much ? Does it still hurt to think about all of the "what if" ? Do you still cry over the LHT ? I'm so curious, you know so much about me that i don't realize yet. Why is Wilfried so kind with you ? why would he be this way after ignoring you and the rest of the class ? Are you still friend with the team ? Do you ever wonder what they've become if not ? Did G and M ended up together ? Did N ever told you the truth about anything ? Did you felt less angry with time ? Those are your main preocupation as of today, this and your studies, but you're working harder than ever before, so it can only be good right ? If N still hasn't confessed all of his lies, tell me you kicked him out of your life, tell me you thought about yourself first for once. And what about the roomies ? Do you still talk to them ? Do you still think about all that time in the nineth room, the one with the green wallpapers, too cold in the winter, way too hot in the summer, about the italians, the doornob, C and his small friend, M and her stories, the other M and her crushes, the last M and his kindness ? What have they become ? Why wouldn't you call them ? Who is that insignifiant person you never thought would matter that grew themself a place in your life ? Think about what was the biggest plot twist. Who would have thought it would have turned out this way ? I hope you don't feel guilty about Camille. That guilt didn't grew in your heart. I know this is a tough aniversary, but you took the right decision. Bad things need to be cut off, no matter the blood links binding you. Did mom recognize she screwed up ? Did she appologized ? Do you feel better ? Same as for grand-ma. You should never feel guilty for what they did to you. What i want to do in those five years : Go back to italy Lose weight Have my licence Work for a year in USA/Canada Find my special other Write a book, a good one Make peace with myself about food You know what ? it's ok if you fail to do any of those, you'll get plenty of other oportunities to improve yourself. About improving, how is going your english accent ? Is it still that bad ? You're now a quarter of a century old, i'm aiming on living four more this way. So please, take the good decisions. Fake it 'till you make it, has he say, does it worked for happiness too ? I hope you are surrounded correctly, that you found out more about life than you expected. What should i have done in a different way ? What should i change ? If only you could go back would you change something ? I have so much hope for you, You can do it, Love, You.