A letter from December 27th, 2019

To the future me (Iva Litara), I’m not sure when you will see this or even remember this but I hope you have gotten your life together now and feel happier because right now your 14 year old self is struggling with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. It’s crazy knowing that I or you will be reading this in the future sometime soon but I hope you haven’t forgotten about your teenage stubborn self yet. Let’s be honest I am lost for words right now because I can never bring myself to write a future self letter cause it just brings me back to the past where I’ve had many mental breakdowns, many times I’ve tried to attempted and etc. Besides all the negativity I really hope you are doing good right now. I hope you have found happiness in your life because I can’t seem to find it in mines at the moment and I hope you have found a friend who you feel you can talk to and cry on their shoulder on because I don’t have a friend to talk to, well I mean I do but it just feels different because you want someone who can understand how you feel and will listen to you without interrupting; I do love my friends its just, I feel different from them. I’m not sure but I’m crazy. I hope you have forgiven everyone that have hurt you in a way and apologised to anyone you might have hurt too, I also hope you started worrying about yourself instead of everyone else’s problems. I really hope you have picked up all your broken pieces and put yourself back together and started loving yourself even if it’s not 100% just try. I hope you haven’t forgotten about me because the person you are now is because of me, the person who has suffered so much, the person who thought suicide is the only way to end the pain, the person who let other people bring her down so many times without a fight, the person you didn’t love until now. I may not know what you are in the future but I know that you are going to put so many smiles on peoples faces like you did today. Lastly I hope the day you read this, you will continuously read it as a motivation for you to stop letting words overcome your confidence and remember “this journey isn’t about becoming a different person, it’s about loving who you are” -Suzanne Heyn LOVE YOURSELF NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ARE GOING TO DOUBT YOURSELF