A letter from November 16th, 2019

Hey, it's the past " you" again. First things first, Happy Birthday! Then am I even still alive? If I am then please continue reading :D You see I've gotten used to receiving these letters from past me, they're precious as they allow me to reflect on myself both when I'm writing and reading them later. For this one, I've chosen to make quite a jump into the future. A jump from 22 to 30 yo! Let me just say that in my younger years, I used to think that people in their twenties have their life all figured out, but as I dive in my 20s I discover little by little that I couldn't be further from the truth. Hell, I've just watched the new Aladdin movie last week, followed by Frozen! My point is I've always thought of people beyond 20 as grown-ups when they clearly aren't so even at 30 I shouldn't expect much maturity and frankly I like keeping the child inside us alive. You know I'm always striving to be a better version of me in all aspects of life, it gets tiring to have that many expectations from myself, however, I believe that my efforts of improving myself will eventually pay off later on and that I'd be proud of the woman I have become. So here's what I expect us to have achieved by 30 and I won't cut you some slack if you don't check at least 2/3 of the following list : - Speak at least one more language than the ones you knew at 22 - Residency in Germany or some other foreign country: At the moment, I'm determined to start learning German and applying for residency positions abroad, I hope you didn't give that up on the way just because it seemed hard to do or "too good to come true" -Being strong-willed, confident, respectful, influential all while keeping your sensitive and warm side -Did/ still do a lot of traveling and volunteer work -Raise a puppy Now I've reached the trickiest part: When I think of me at 30 which by the way seems very far, I get both terrified and excited imagining how life would be. I wish we're having the time of our lives by then, I hope while you read this you have your husband by your side who is a great man who understood us like no one ever could, who supported us, loved, protected and cared for us. Would you sigh and smile at this? thanking God that you did find such a man. Or would you laugh at my young dreamer mind full of unrealistic hopes? And if it's true you got married, do you have a small human being in your life, who goes around looking up to you calling you Mama? I can only imagine how great of a feeling that is, I'm almost tearing up just trying to picture how it is ( is she a girl or a boy ? what did you name them ? ) I'll move on before I start bawling my eyes out. How's your family doing? I know they can be really frustrating at times but you love them nonetheless, I hope everyone is still around. and that mom has become less negative, more confident and that you got to offer her as much happiness as she gave us, if not go now purchase a plane ticket and make her travel and see the world, you ungrateful daughter! What about your little sister? I hope she's now a successful programmer working for google or apple or something as exciting, I assume you've become closer than ever, both friends and sisters who lean on each other, go crazy together, are each other secret keepers, advisors, and rocks... don't dare to tell me you've grown apart, that would break my heart ! If your relationship isn't what I've just described, go now and do whatever it takes to fix it. I also wish that you're still friends with the girls, even if life circumstances had probably set you in separate ways, I hope you still take the time to get together, talk often, care for each other as much. We've always dreamed that our children would also be best friends, make that come true! Now let's talk professional life, you're probably a real doctor by now, right? What started as our childhood dream come true is beginning to weigh heavy on me now that I'm slowly getting close to "practice". I'm horrified about having to be in charge of people's lives. I can't stomach to make a mistake that would hurt anyone even in the slightest, and as much as this fear is nearly crippling, I know for a fact that It is needed to keep my head in the game so I'll just make sure of a couple of things : Are you still keeping this fear inside ? You should never lose your conscience, I know having to witness people's sorrows and despair on daily basis makes anyone want to shut off feelings, It's beneficial to a certain extent, but it doesn't give you the right to turn into a monster, I hope you still have your empathy, treat patients right and help them in any way you can. Also, I hope your career didn't stop at being a doctor, I'm dreaming of big things for us so I wish that you're still working to always do better, research some disease, fund some good cause if you have the means to, do free medical visits for those in need... Well that was a really long letter, but you know us once we start writing we just can't stop and I'm sure you'd enjoy hearing from a younger, less experienced you. I know I have big expectations and dreams for us, I hope most of them came true or you're still passionately pursuing them but if not, if something went wrong along the way, then I assume this letter would only cause you pain and regret and I'm sorry for it. However instead of being a source of suffering, maybe it can be a wake-up call if you lost yourself on the way, it can also be an inspiration if you're feeling low and depressed. This young dreamy you trust you, I trust that you haven't lost your essence even if things seem hard right now, don't laze around, don't give up just yet. You still have time to fix whatever went wrong, you still have time to start something new if you don't feel fulfilled in your current life. And maybe you can yourself write a letter another 10 years in the future, to the very old us at 40 (scary isn't it ?) But I'm sure mature 30 you have a lot to say to her. Happy this has reached you Sincerely,