A letter from April 7th, 2019

Dear 26 year older Cecyl, Happy birthday, This is me, your 21-year-old self. Today is April, 27th 2019 and I'm writing this out of concern about what you're doing right now. Right now I'm working on my Tugas Akhir after sidang 2, and just to let you know, I am in the verge of giving up. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. My interest in architecture slowly fading. and because for several reasons, like pride, this moment makes me lessen my confidence. I don't know how to face the future. it's totally blank. I will graduate in like, 3 months, and i still don't know what the **** should i do after it happens. to be honest, i love about leaving school because it's been some drama **** and im sick of college. but the thought of starting something new terrifies me, especially not knowing which path to choose. id really like to think "go with the flow", but you know me, i ******* love plans. Aside from all of it, im actually pretty happy right now. This is your BTS era btw hahaha, do you still love them? Have you been gone to their concert?! Please tell me you did. Im listening to Dimple right now hahaha. Im actually wondering what's your reaction reading this, will you be sad for not fulfilling your dreams, or will you be happy because you're actually much happier than me right now? And **** while writing it, that line makes me realize something, The future is actually in my hands, for all I know right now, I will not ever give up on you. Thank you Fadh for always reminding me to not give up hahaha. I will make sure you're having the best in life that what I'm having right now. I will forever be greedy. Greedy for your happiness. Maybe life's about chasing your happiness right? You dont have to be clever, being able to do everything right, you dont gotta be perfect. ******, yes, this is life is all about. I hope youre laughing of happiness reading this. Don't worry cyl, I'll make sure you won't regret everything you do for the past 5 years :) I LOVE YOU, PLEASE KEEP LOVING YOURSELF LIKE IM STARTING ON DOING NOW. I hope I can make you proud, please still believe in yourself :)