A letter from February 14th, 2019

Sakib, Today is 14th February, 2019, 9.42 pm. Amma is sleeping, munia is on the phone now. And so am I. Exam is very near. And I am sorry if my laziness and irresponsible behaviour has caused you trouble. You may curse me but this is how I am. I'm excited about the BMA exam. I don't know I will succeed or not but I'm pretty sure, you are trying something different than I am. I'm not really sure what to say to you, you're obviously wiser than me, maybe happier too. I hope that you are happy. Hell, I don't even know if you are alive. 10 years is a long time. You know more than me, you are a different person now and I don't exist. I wonder if you are still with Erin, she's a nice girl. I hope I didn't mess it up. I hope you are not weak like me anymore. I can't make decisions, I have trust issues, I'm a paranoid person, I'm depressed, good for nothing. I'm a caterpillar, I hope you are a butterfly. I know you don't remember this day. Well, there's nothing special about this day. Things are going well with Erin, she gave me her number. I hope the diary survived. I hope that you don't daydream about the perfect world because you already live in one. I wonder if you remember my reasons for staying out of marriage. Well, I don't care.... I hope you're happy.... Married or unmarried. But don't live with regrets. I'll try to make sure of that. Dear future me, I'm not happy. I hope you are. I really do. I hope that you made amma, and baba proud. I wonder how nitika is doing. Does Alfaaz exist, how about Bella? If they do exist, I hope they turned out well. I wish you could email me back. Yeah, I know. Erin is making me think twice about my principles about not marrying ever. She's really growing on me. But I'll try hard. But if you failed, i don't have any grudges. But I am curious about how you dealt with the friends. Well, if it's possible do send me an email from the future. And also, do tell me about nitika, alfaaz and bella. I don't know what else to say. Maybe, I don't need to say anything else... Maybe you'll understand me. I hope we're not that much different. Always remember, I am a free person. I knew.