remember me?

Who knows if you'll get this. Who knows who you'll be. Who knows what will happen in twenty years time. I'm probably the immature version of you that you only wish to forget, but for my sake, remember me. The me who is living now. The me who drools at glimpses of the future. Remember me. Don't hide me in the back of your mind, because I did exist. Remember me because no one else will. I'm 18. Lots of dreams and ambitions. I'm going to college for music. Who knows where that will take me, you obviously have figured that out by now, but I still haven't. I'm still lost in the wilderness. I'm still searching for meaning. I'm still wondering where God wants me and my life. Right now I'm getting dreams of Africa, but am still not sure where that will go. I've written a few songs that I hope you don't forget. I know they aren't amazing, but they're the story of my life in one of my wannabe artistic, expressive ways. There's currently more in the works. And if you stayed in music, there's probably greater songs I've yet to create. Maybe you're now in photography. If not, don't lose sight of that passionate hobby because it made you happy back then and I'm sure your artistic eye has only grown in time and experience. I can't even imagine the amount of living you've done in twenty years - more than double what I've done now. Are you in a relationship? If so, for the love of God, don't take it for granted. Are you good in your faith? Right now, I'm struggling, but please, don't lose sight. Do what it takes to get back to God. There's nothing he can't fix...even you. Hopefully I take my own advice that I'm offering you. Sure, you may say, 'what does he know? He hasn't even half the experience of love and failure and life that I have.' But I do have some. I wrote this poem over the weekend. Read it and realize what I felt even if it is twenty years ago. If only I could find a ***, I wouldn’t have to face the sun, And all my tears could be undone With just a single click. My soul is tired, my heart is frail. These broken wounds are cold and pale, And all I want is to prevail, But life did not consent. Have you ever been so alone You’d plunge into the deep unknown Hoping to land in a war zone Only to wake in hell? I’m simply a mistake of nature – A bud that never bloomed. I’m simply just a wasted failure – A flame that died too soon. I don’t think you understand How deep these lines cut through my hand Or just how hard it is to stand When people watch you fall. The only blame lives in the stars For writing life so full of scars, And leaving empty, broken jars To house these hollow dreams. I must admit, I cannot say How life will end and in what way. If I could pick, I’d choose today, But sadly, I live on… …Unless I find that ***… Now for all I know, you are no longer alive and this message will disappear from all existence. But I am hoping that whatever pain and struggles I have yet to experience, but you know all too closely, you will overcome them completely. I hope you are happy. I hope you are healthy. I hope all of these things for myself, and therefore for you. You are me. Whatever happiness you've gained, I will gain too. Whatever loss you live through, I will eventually be there as well. I want everything to end happily ever after but I also realize some things just aren't meant to be. So whatever your story, whatever your road, don't forget me way back in '05 and don't miss out on life by being too afraid to live. God Bless. Saturday November 26th, 2005