A letter from December 23rd, 2018

Dear FutureMe, i'm writing this in December 23rd of 2018, at 4:50 AM after finishing the 5th major semester. I'm still confused between choosing one of the two angels of my life, still struggling with the driving everyday and night, still hoping for a better future (i hope you're living it). i'll be very disappointed if you didn't learn music production, graphic design, photography or any instrument. And please have a nice body that you're not ashamed of showing off, actually just please have the confidence to show off your body (including your face) to everyone without any *****. I hope you finished reading 12 rules for life, i hope it impacted your life positively and made you the person i'm dreaming of becoming now (or on your way to become it). I'm listening to 30 seconds to mars as we speak, i hope they're still together and they made the best music there is, or any artist for that matter, i just want your ears to feel so so good. This feels like i'm writing to an older brother, i wish i had an older brother i really do. I love you so ******* much dude i wish you can exist right now, guiding me through this mess. I wish you've figured it all out. I'm getting a little emotional right now (no tears tho) but its okay, it feels so good to write all of this. I hope you still like hoodies and jackets and all things dark, and if you're over them then shame on you cus they look so good. Writing this feels so good i don't wanna stop but i'm running out of thoughts. If you're with a new woman in your life (hopefully single, i miss that) Dont show her the 2 angels part, she might get upset at you, and i really really hope you didn't marry a woman you dont think she's absolutely perfect in every way possible, dont even lie to yourself to convince yourself that she is, if she's not you'll know, you always know. its funny that i'm trying to advise you as if you're not gonna be 10 times smarter than me. I don't have much faith in these 2 women anymore, it's just a matter of *when* they'll abandon me. City of Angels is still my favorite song of all time, i hope that changes for you, because if it did that means you've listened to something much prettier. I hope you never lose your artistic sense and always love music and photography, and be able to be 1. a software/app/games/animation developer 2. a photographer so you can take all the photos i've been saving on my phone ever since i've copped it, except 10 times better. 3. a music producer(or/and even a writer). i know i'm asking for much but i want this to come true so ******* badly. And 4. Confident. Not the "yea i love myself" type of confident. Actual confidence, i want you to walk through the streets/mall/whatever without worrying about wearing the best outfit and looking perfect. I want you to take snaps/selfies/whatever's popping in your time and not feeling ugly or unattractive. Because you know that there are people who love your stupid face so much, your personality and humor makes up for it, you might not see it but your soul makes you much prettier, and people can see that, they find you pretty and handsome when you smile, laugh and always being the positive light they lack. I love you man, i hope you found new friends, or even a group that you call "the gang" or some **** like that, i hope they treat you good and bring you joy and fulfillment. I'm still enjoying the isolation, if you prefer being alone then good for you man, but if not, please find creative friends, friends that would help you achieve all your goals that i mentioned above. i have no idea what else to say other than i ******* love you, and i hope you've found what i'm truly missing. And please, pray. Happy 28th birthday big bro. Sincerely, past ****** up you.