A letter from September 6th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Wow, I just did an accounting of all my letters and realized I have ZERO scheduled to go to 2025. That seems weird, and I feel like I would have sent one to our TENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. You know, maybe I did but it's just not showing up in my account? If that's true and I send this to Aug 1 like I was just planning, then you'll get two in one day. That's kind of dumb. I'll send it to August 2nd, then. I still feel like I'm jinxing things by mentioning them in one of these letters. I know, it's really stupid. But every time I do it I feel the same way. Like 7 years is way too far ahead and who knows what will happen by then. What if things are bad? What if something crazy happened and we're not married anymore? I can't imagine that and there's sort of no way that's possible, but it just feels too weird to definitively imagine where you'll be. But, anyway, happy anniversary! I'm about to get sushi for dinner which I'm super excited about, and we have a Peerspace house booking tonight from 6pm to 10pm after work. Money! Speaking of money, you're still paying the same student loans and same mortgage that I am now, so maybe we're not really that far apart. Right? You're like... 34 now. I def haven't paid off my student loans yet and we for sure haven't paid off Lauren's. And we'll be paying off the house until we're .... 90? idk. But wait, do you live in a different house now?? Now that you maybe have a five year old? Omg they're in school?!? Do you live in pasadena? PLS LIVE IN PASADENA. I hate doing this, imagining what life is going to be life. I REALLY FEEL LIKE IM JINXING YOU! AGH! ok wellllll... trying to think of what you might enjoy reading about. Hmm. Oh, the other day I realized that the tiny fake succulent magnet I got from trader joes like 11 months ago was in fact a REAL (?!?!!!) succulent. I found this out because literally suddenly OUT OF THE BLUE it was dead?!?! After 11 months? How does that happen? Anyway, do you even remember that happening? It seems pretty inconsequential and maybe not like something you'll remember in 7 years idk. Also I'm thinking about trying to go to therapy again because I actually think I might be depressed? Idk, motivation is hard to come by these days and sometimes I get so ******* overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks I have to complete in order to get out the door to work in the morning. It's completely exhausting and I don't think it's supposed to be. I have such a hard time mustering up the energy to wash my face and brush my teeth. I never do my hair anymore, trying to pick an outfit is a herculean task. I HATE IT. I kinda started running again and it's helping out a lot; I just feel better about myself and it makes showering a necessity and picking an outfit way easier because I don't feel so ****** about how I look. But still. Life is super exhausting and I feel like I can't get anything done and my life to-do list is just growing and growing and growing and I CANT DO IT. So, yeah. Therapy! But like, I hate therapy. And it's expensive. UGHGHHGHGHGHG. Anyway, hope I've managed to do a lot of things to make your life better and easier. Hope you're less stressed about money and like, career choices. Also it's completely insane to me that I have NO IDEA what your job is. Like, actually zero. I have no motivation and no concept of where I want to go in life. I mean, I do, but making the switch to directing TV is like... not a clear path. And since all I've been doing is producing, how do I make that translate? I REALLY don't want to produce TV or features and I know I could get a job producing reality but like, do I want to go work on the Bachelor or the voice or something?!?! IS THE BACHELOR EVEN STILL AROUND IN 2025? lol who am I kidding of course it is. Ok so.. maybe I'm working in reality. But the idea of transitioning into working in production without benefits or days off is really stressful. So, here I am. No idea what I'm going to do. Anyway, it's 4:45 and I'm going to have to start packing up; we're leaving the office at 5. K bye!