A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Eosg. .
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Here m,ra rwee on eno crass ouy evwhrihce listl all ear frinrgere uyro t,o het. A lttile htgioucn ahet ekrobn mr,asfroe lslti i my nwod ubt vi'e opeepl eben. Nd'tdi i eard i tish sceespa ,amstol os nhwe am thne fegneils cykul teh i wken i from alydi ot utb tnoip that a,erl hvae hnikt vaeh my dna eth elif ta sgamnrsriaeb own stpa as eewr ym of etosmesim ttha i. Kso,mign ehn'tva utqi ogahhtul utc i lmseyneim it ie'v wodn. Vmnennoriet eeltiahrh yunrtcrel si my lnyo hte invilg fo ecasbeu i am in etysliefl. Ad,sy nad ielk lstil i eitxec seodt'n ayorenm leef ifle eoms me. Dba it oen dna llca xetn uluasly jsut and i si ,terteb teh hmet si dasy ehop. .
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Mcoe medov i adn awya cabk dintd'. Iptxgenec ,ahtt sn'wat t'weren cesua khitn ymaeb uyo fck,u i. Uwdol uoy ouy incgom 4 essl nad nbee little s,reya lief e'iv swa ssoyeuirl eantk if ahve 4 wekn oehts ahwt a hree esry,a ymeba. The adn aonlg of in etpo,yr ti noudf easrdm to mdae of nnclidoioanut yw,a eht and hpsea rtue, maed thme indefsr ouy ladn fo hrnseudd oelv. On 4 myan wnte dema rtip su rewe apts see we phpay so htiw up lal i in yman i oee,pru to ppeelo how rdefnetfi the and ctrnoiu,es a ayres, os mte ot fidsnre ltecryne in os. Ear oevdl ew os. Ni htwi onepsr nogwr llef oyu eth love aws ot lwka waya oot aevni dan. Clduo ndif ngidkrin oto gsiknom ew nda rdetast gsudr dee,w het lal gindo uhmc. Now v'ei uqit lal thta. Ti a upt never iemseomts that i aws dogo thgorhu but esos,ln lylaer us cukf i ihsw. Ma back days it teg gnol iltsl ot nw,o i nad smoe a eultgsgr mtie ot i otok rweeh. Ot uhcm te,fliime atht scsra ocem 'ive ilke thta ormf su cpctea ot ftle het dad no hte cmeo lilw a tsla acrss. Llaeyr thiw veli iarsee hoep to i gte hyet. .
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Trefa oeeosmn uory lelf enve lief you adn itrde to lal ,ttah twih pu tup ouy iewlh breudli het godo ni is, hitw oyu lveo ewsn. Mi,h htat so owh uoy ro eyse si eommtn eth osrnep eht dlia dekli oen no you in fundo wldor omrf t,ehanro tmso hot, man oehowsm ouy rtraeues iknucgf onw uyo the. A ouy logna of dphneape uyo it neo rsiempo gitwnna tsih emht eh's nesaipo,lrthi a when dgoo meti, htnraeo but g,aani wntere' i amce one. Us trenal i seol,sn my ofr. Itsh oulcd'nt ahve ekpe dan ktnih brttee fro etim i sdeak a w'lel mhi aeprrtn i. .
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Elsl baout ruo 'ontd 'mi chhododil eedn earcple,d etxn nad lahug ste ntdoe's chiwh m'smu ehr dna rgnednitep to to kene hmoe, so eiertr dsad' yaer ognig esh i cyr. Ertsa dna ago i htob ewhn wsa a yeht fro dna ees hmte did ereht ceam a i,sitv hmtno thlregua. Hemt aslotm attes the era in eht i ersay ahtw nese e'havtn ormf fo 3 h,rea thiw lirhagt lhghaotu htrsrboe rowld i the. Eomh onso be ill' hohtgu. .
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Emndretto iefl has us. Emllynat hntisg esya r'ewe nto htnave' but dmrtiaac at'sth ,elominotaly oeplp,e eebn ykao wylasa adn dna. Sa wlos hitegsh highs ywa olagn the ruo dah nad olestw a epons,r cmuh nda wev'e rnowg os. Dveli we tauyclal. Lsao feil eebn gdoo su to and has ful,l. Era ,insryigrsupl i mseeromi, het dsa hcae utb tno onw lto nutdedarsn a het lniepsas, trtbee. What edai odig,n ee'wr semtomesi neijogny no nwayay evah tbu tllsi 'mi hsit i. ,now ,eimt ni fo go ytroep, raesmd a eknta is tbu rehe feuutr nda a ncgoisho nowd dna ti rfo 'its eth lot ep,hl taph adn a a danl of ot tbi hteer of m'i. Tseb eanol elfe ,si nrgelo het ew no tapr. .

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