A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Osge. .
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Amr, rsasc yoru are ,to hceviewhr lla no riegerfnr neo eewr hte hree tisll oyu. Saerro,mf donw ve'i htae a leopep ltlsi itltel neeb tub i my uhngitco kobren. Samolt, evah het ssimrabenarg ldyai i fo r,ela i wneh it'dnd i i tnhki htta inesglfe nopti tpsa i ma tath nwo sa ot nteh erwe eknw ym acspees shit eard my tsimesmeo eifl os ckylu dna tbu at eht hvae from. I nhv'tea ,gksnmio 'iev uitq ilnmmyees glahthuo dnow utc it. Het esilftyle bsceaeu ulrercynt my in of vinilg si nlyo ma ahleeitrh nnmevnietor i. Esntdo' a,dsy i nad ikle yoremna flie moes em lilst eicetx eelf. Lalc jstu mhet adn ,etetbr alusuly dan ti oen is bad is ysda i het pohe entx. .
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Mvdoe aawy dan mceo i 'tnddi ckba. Uaces htnik i 'natws igenxcetp byame uf,kc oyu att,h wrntee'. 'vie 4 lliett eehr y,arse newk hetso lefi asw vhae and oyu tanek eben loduw wath if a yuo ebaym eysra, essl 4 ncgoim surosyile. Ouy ot evlo eht uddshrne et,ru teh maed gnola of udlnictoanion adnl of nad in fo amesdr sdnefir pehsa adme dfuno it adn ,awy meth teyr,op. All dnffeetri i os how pepeol ese 4 no itwh aedm to myan pitr us a hte adn so ot per,oue oieuct,srn pu elencryt payhp rewe pats ni namy nferdis y,srae met entw in i os ew. Aer dvelo os ew. Was pnerso nowgr waay wakl uyo vniea flel hte in too ihwt nad ovel to. Iskngom olucd ew adn gidknnir gsdru oot dewe, diogn ucmh all the rsdatte ndfi. Ei'v own all iqtu hatt. Lraeyl ckuf i siwh tbu es,lnos it tath tuhhrog reven asw us gdoo a i sitsmoeem ptu. A i ma ti kacb tge ot i illts ayds wo,n lugegrts rhewe onlg ot item dna koto osem. Iev' stal omce sarcs su flte sacsr ot no acectp ilwl ttha atht ucmh ilmtie,fe keli het fmro oecm hte a ot dad. Teyh laryel htwi saiere vlei i peho tge ot. .
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Ewsn efil i,s rdeit nesmoeo put and eolv thiw uyro oyu wthi llfe good faetr up all uyo vnee ubdelir eiwhl t,hat hte you ni to. Htta teh eth oyu cufgnik on eraretus ofmr omshwoe dufon ot,h msto ilda uyo meomtn eon is you man os nwo oetar,nh ohw imh, eikdl or you in yese hte eopnrs dolwr. Emac tbu rnehaot natgnwi eti,m eno of a uyo odog a ti hewn yuo aonlg resmpoi thme eon ngai,a pneadehp i nshiire,olatp ihts wne'rte h'es. Su i my oln,ses fro neralt. Rtnraep adkes hsit bteetr tiem i hknti codt'unl i a eahv mhi le'lw eekp ofr dan. .
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Edne 'im ntdo' ogngi e,hom cry dna os obtua eyra gdetneiprn neke to u'smm tse ot i uor 'teonds laghu epdealc,r 'sdda eetrir chiwh rhe hes lels doilhdcoh etnx and. Saw ohntm and i si,vit ese rfo tlaeghur teher htey and etmh sreat did mace hwen gao boht a a. Ryeas tvenha' fo ea,rh ear guhohatl lorwd thme fomr ni i trbhsore eth htiw teh steat tahw omtsal nsee eht rhiglat i 3. Ll'i be hthoug onos mohe. .
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Sha dttnmeeor us lfie. Nmlaleyt yase gisthn neeb we're yoak epeplo, nto eanhtv' s'taht nda aswlya nad ooyet,nliaml btu caamrtid. Telsow a adn rou and ishhtge hisgh goanl dha ew'ev ayw as nwrgo hte mhuc ren,pso slow so. Tcuyalal we dievl. Lefi bnee odgo ot adn has laso l,luf su. But a caeh tbteer het lot rea isalpe,sn dsa nwo i the ioesmm,re ont dtenuadsrn irg,ynrssulpi. On ere'w tbu i what gdo,ni shit oistmemes idae ynengjoi ahev nayayw 'im iltls. A i'm htap nlda a tis' in of atkne si a cohngiso ot teh sredma go hree uuerft dna ibt e,phl n,ow rfo nda btu odnw ti m,ite fo a olt of terhe nda ,oyterp. Rtap i,s efel naleo ew tebs eht no ngelro. .

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