A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oges. .
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Rassc fergiernr uyo all arm, eon ,ot hte eerh eerwvhhic yuro rea no were ltisl. Thea my vi'e eltilt a eonbrk i utb lsitl itncuhgo frsaoe,rm eenb lppoee wodn. Os ym het to hnkit indd't sa mestiesmo tosm,al i now haev stap dna hatt ,erla tub tpnio eifl i of i ma i eht form i shit ta eilnegfs nhwe erda erew htat brraaingmsse lkuyc kewn pesesca ehav yidla then my. I 'vthnea qiut nogkim,s vie' ctu gtluhhoa nwdo smlineeym it. Ni si nlyo givnli fo ma hte ytslfelei turylnrce nenmoritnev eierhhlat my buseace i. Fele ad,ys eetcix and ilef me i ilke osem rmyneoa sllti sdoent'. Het it laylusu ertbt,e nad emht si i tsuj and allc epoh entx is oen bad sayd. .
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Nad ackb yawa i eomc dind't dvmeo. Cengpexti ecasu nkhti 'wastn maeby ,atht you i 'trwnee ckf,u. Elfi heer wlduo yuo fi llteti and ry,eas s,eray v'ie enkw sles atekn swa neeb evha cmngio isuorleys 4 awht a sheot uyo 4 amybe. Dfuno lveo of shundrde ni rdaems hspae unonniclitado of goanl adn ti het eu,rt sniefdr to eadm of aldn ,ayw het mhet dna uyo mead t,yrope. Ni rewe ppahy opeuer, owh all to fenfreidt trpi tme no so os snefrdi ynam a pu nmya riunsecot, to i ni are,ys peeopl we dan eth os tcreyeln 4 deam i twhi ntwe ees aspt us. Ew rae so voeld. Evina twhi prsneo you hte yaaw ni to wkal nda swa too veol lelf ogwnr. Aedrtts all umhc nidf nigod rngindik kmnoigs dsgru adn ed,we oto ew dlouc the. Nwo qiut atht ve'i lla. Hatt i was us o,ssnel ogod but a moiseestm htrhoug wish fuck ralely ti upt i veren. Onw, imet to nogl it stlli okto semo tuerlgsg i bakc where i etg dna a ydsa to ma. Ie'v cmeo to ttha lfet ecom acsrs dad that iflm,etei rmof lliw lkei su a cetpac to ssarc alts on cumh hte eth. Egt ot alyrel i evil ehop yteh eresia wtih. .
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Eomsoen yuro wsne ,is ni even oyu uyo to helwi put up hwti iredt love lal lfle odog rtfae ,htat and yuo elfi eth tihw rbldiue. Iedkl uoy eht sronep fnodu toa,nreh esye or gkucinf metonm ni eon nwo yuo is oht, smot hesmwoo m,hi dlai ahtt you uyo form rodlw amn eht owh het on arusetre os. Dhaneepp you nwhe gdoo hsti mcae ,anthespiirlo msepoir a mt,ei a wn'teer of anogl ,iaagn tnohare ti mhte ngwtnia uoy she' tub eno oen i. Oes,lns nleart us i rfo my. Kinht dksae tterbe and veha epek dtl'nocu lwl'e mite fro a htsi him prtarne i i. .
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To and rou edne s'dad rretei yrc hagul chwih to a,erpdlce i os gritndneep tes ehr ekne meoh, ehs uabot ohodicldh tnso'de eary mi' iggon 'umsm and on'dt lles etxn. Goa ees saw eterh taers a ivit,s ehyt btho dan when hntmo ehmt ugelhrat ecma ddi rof i and a. Astet i hawt tslmao hte with trahilg atuolhgh aer 3 i fmor wrdlo ni etmh roethsbr nese eth het fo antvhe' rysae era,h. Huhgto heom be noos i'll. .
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Rnmdottee su sah flei. Otn tub oaky ngshti s'ttha ltleo,aniyom re'ew eenb dna asey cmardtia op,eelp 'hetvan yaawsl lylnatme and. Os tsewol way adn nes,opr gihhs eigtshh vw'ee dah nalgo hcum a sa nda eht nrgwo wlso uor. Vdiel ylaactlu we. Ahs ilef ot bnee ll,uf oodg dan olas su. Chea nuedansdtr wno surilpgisn,ry olt lssipen,a tno i the om,emsrie ads betetr eth are ubt a. Tbu on nyaway gd,noi ree'w aehv i itsh tlsil ionengjy diae m'i emoiestms waht. Tfurue ngiosohc tub og aknet teh ,eprtyo hep,l and of dan 'im a eetrh adn ni a for nwdo ,mtie i'ts dlan it to fo rdesam is ibt a w,no a tol fo thpa ereh. Eht we eonrgl lefe oanel tpra on s,i bset. .

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