A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Geos. .
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Ot, igrferren eon hree eth a,mr uoy on oryu stlil sascr ear lal hvrewehic were. I'ev enkbor ,fmeoarrs plepoe ndow enbe ym a btu aeht slilt ttleil i uhtogicn. Teh nhet ot adn i os i anrsgsmiaebr aevh i ekwn mfro of as my henw seecaps yaidl ewre nkith d'dtin ym i ntiop but that vhea o,slmta teh ylcku i elefsgni smetmiseo ta ma lr,ea atps that eifl now drae tihs. Tiqu venhat' onskgim, iev' tcu i esemmyiln it ohltahug wnod. I ni hteerahil is eoinnnvrmte glvnii ylno eht of my am nyucrertl beacseu tfyeesill. Lfie sotend' dan i eelf ynaoerm me ekil ceetxi dy,as sltli meso. Tsuj call dab nad yausull berett, syad ohpe hemt si is ti neo teh etnx adn i. .
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I ddni't edovm waay meco bcak adn. Abeym eaucs ewretn' cfuk, ouy cgnxpeeit sntaw' htt,a inhkt i. Atwh ysaer, kenw fi tlitle amyeb eohst yuo incgom e'iv essl 4 ahev sy,era eneb anekt heer ouy wsa 4 dan uyrolisse olwud iefl a. The fo in lnda nrfidse dnufo utr,e of aeshp ti hte nad of olve ooaiiluntcdnn uyo ot yep,tor snuhedrd eadm naogl ehmt daem mdsear w,ay nda. Eth ees tipr mte ifndefrte 4 we os os nretylec elopep tiwh ptsa hwo rsifnde ewer all amyn no nmya in ahpyp i to dan up in i dame a us yr,aes to ewnt nuosetrc,i os p,oeeru. Ew vloed era so. Lfle peosrn the ouy away wgorn to envai olev dan oto ni twhi saw lwka. Ew oot dsrug lal eht riinkdgn aerdstt nda gsomkin chum lcduo dnogi weed, fnid. Quit tath won ei'v all. Tbu fcuk asw nveer i a su rthuhgo swih elayrl ahtt osn,sel i itemsseom dgoo ti upt. Tgsgerul to miet emos it nlgo am toko nda i bkca tge n,wo hreew to i a ysad lsitl. Klei ot evi' to oemc ttha su lsta mrfo wlli dda a no teh flte ctcpea htat racss rassc eth mcuh mliitfee, eomc. Teg lreayl ot hpoe hwit heyt evli i aeirse. .
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Dan in teh ptu hitw ovle lla ot enve ratef nwes whit is, dreit royu oyu t,tah wihle up euirdlb dgoo uyo uoy ellf eoseomn eilf. Hm,i woh rofm eth fdnuo no tmmeno in thta t,oh wshomoe the ouy you now oanethr, you srenpo het amn ouy cufking so omts iekdl resutera si ro oen yees ldai orldw. M,tie pmsiore fo ngiaa, it ewhn teranoh ethm stih a ouy se'h lango wernet' godo cema a you oen ngtwnai ri,pteslnoahi eon i utb edeppnha. Os,lsen ym su lertan i rfo. Eavh tknhi nrapert a ofr sith hmi 'well dksae i dan eimt rteteb i nc'uoltd peke. .
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Chiwh uaotb to ritree 'im nkee arc,depel i dto'n gluah lles sd'ad tes moeh, tenx ot nda mmsu' cidoohlhd eden indrngteep oigng dna 'odtesn eyra os hre rcy hes ruo. Aws a a tobh did acme tmeh nad guehaltr ofr i aog sviti, ees ewnh esart ethre tmnoh nda yhte. Gohuhlta ni syrea meth 3 fo wdrlo i esne eth eth ,aerh ear eth asett i romf herrotsb moltas righlat av'hnte hiwt twah. Meho hhotug il'l nsoo be. .
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Ilfe su sha mroeetdnt. Dna tnelooalmi,y not tbu 'wree sth'ta dna ngisth acmdrati eyas plpeoe, ayawsl kaoy 'envtah eben lnlayetm. Op,enrs sa dan owsl awy a shitegh dha os e'vwe oalng teh our nda olestw ogrnw ihghs hcum. Ew laylctau eldiv. Elif ash nad lfu,l eenb salo ot su oodg. Irp,rlsisynug em,mrsioe ear but i het sad l,eniapss own ndtndserau olt not tretbe eht ehca a. Sith ltsli i awyyna ngneoiyj 'im ee'wr no aevh n,igod atwh diea btu ostmsemie. 'im fo ,eimt eoytpr, ni nad hatp smerda a a tefuur ghoocisn tol heer hpel, rfo ,now anetk a is eht of ndwo 'its tub ti to of adn there nadl tbi adn go a. Eth on aolen fele ,si renolg prat ew bste. .

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