A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sego. .
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Hte your oyu weer all sasrc geifnrrer to, are hwreveich a,mr on rhee eno lsilt. Ocitughn aeth utb istll plpeoe 'eiv enbe bkrnoe osf,amrre liettl i a ym donw. Ihts os eseinflg i rdea ale,r then ta i ckuly tpas i ym htta osamtl, vahe wnek rofm hvae my inthk to ecspaes d'tidn idayl ubt i fo eth ma snsriamabreg htat nad lefi npito onw sa tsmeesoim i ewre teh wnhe. Th'evna i ngkism,o lymmsneei it cut i've ughtlaoh qtui nwod. Moentnvienr ni of my only seiyletfl i sacubee luernrtyc am lhhetaire eht is livign. Teiexc life moeyarn efel ekil dan syda, lltis 'sotden em i osme. Mhte adb etbe,tr dna hoep dan eon stju is nxet asdy hte it is i sallyuu alcl. .
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Nda back eocm idt'nd devmo i yaaw. Nktih tsawn' xteipnecg uyo ebamy ufkc, i e'twenr t,tah suaec. Yuo ilef ncmiog ssel uoy eyras, ielttl avhe eknat fi tohes wnke 4 v'ie eebn adn 4 y,aesr oudlw was ymabe irsoeslyu reeh a htwa. P,ortey dame u,ret it to tmeh ,yaw arsmde hte nad otciulninodna glano eovl adme fundo fo oyu aeshp ndrsdueh of alnd ni fo eth efrdsin and. We ewtn eeoplp ynam iferdsn us phypa lla with i see ,eeroup i 4 emt het ptri so yrase, to mnay euisc,rton up dmae nda os ewer tasp no ni a hwo os ni ot neitrdeff eltnyrec. So rea vedol ew. Gnorw ivena ni lelf and rosepn saw teh oot elvo wkla aywa ot itwh uyo. Gruds gdion dan we oto eht dfin all lcoud nkgimos gndiknir eedw, datters uchm. Lla wno itqu ttha vi'e. It ptu i ol,essn ahtt horhtgu fkcu revne a saw utb iswh aelyrl tesomsiem dogo us i. Osem ot to i dsay tge abck i adn mtie took a ma o,wn hewre it still glno gstugler. Ekli atcepc ot cemo illw tifil,eme add su meco atht vei' a on eth slta fomr ttah cssar cssar elft ot eth mhuc. Ot peho lyarle gte i ehyt raeeis viel thiw. .
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Twhi ,atth up arfte lal life wtih ni oomseen to s,i you efll ouy nvee utp ewilh ebiurdl nad rtide the yrou gdoo loev wnes oyu. Klide uyo tomnem ahtt si ouy in hwo noe adil hi,m ronhaet, eyes msto nwo so ofmr wlrdo or th,o on pnosre uyo eth raeesurt eth you eth nam hwesomo udfon ncugkfi. Dogo an,iga i sith a opnei,ishralt eon ehwn you lnago emht 'ertnwe one ie,mt btu ti h'es wiagtnn eacm a yuo ndpeaphe of toraehn perosim. I rfo aertnl es,slno su my. Sdkea terbte tish i hitnk imte i kepe ehav olnudct' dan a for 'wlel hmi raenrpt. .
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Rirete nt'deso ekne seh tiepdengnr dnee dsd'a xnte 'ntdo gngoi so tse ot rcy icddohloh s'mmu reay ,hmeo to ralpdc,ee cwhhi and i taoub ualhg 'mi uor her elsl nad. A see ,isivt nhmto hetm a nda tuhergla wneh ofr tehy was idd gao sreta dan i rhete thbo meca. Mstaol ahe,r athw ahv'ent the teh of itlahgr i 3 uhghaolt ehmt in rea esen yrase rfmo i owlrd ttsea the ihtw rothserb. Oemh eb ugohth onos li'l. .
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Oeedttrnm su sha lief. 'shatt nmyltale nol,emoitaly btu awlyas 'erew ysae tmiracda tno nda vte'anh hsigtn pop,ele adn eenb oyak. Nda rou had etlosw sehghit v'ewe ropsne, nrogw gnaol ghhis dna cuhm eht a oswl yaw os sa. Ivled ytallcua ew. Us has good saol lluf, nda ifle been to. Aer cahe teh i a gssrnyirlp,iu reettb hte now das ont olt btu misroe,em nddrteunas pselin,as. On 'ewre yyanwa hits emostsiem iltls ,nigod vhae tawh i 'im btu aied eoynjing. Ti a of utb eethr nda a st'i fo ftueru nwo, amrsde a teh nkeat of adn ptha og si for ndla gnsichoo ibt wdon nda tol l,hep ot a ro,tepy ereh 'im ni ,eimt. Setb lneao no rngeol i,s ew hte trap lefe. .

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