A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sego. .
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Rrfgireen hte no ear srsca noe uroy ilstl oyu erhhcvwie to, lal were rhee mra,. Nwod pleoep tlils a htea gcotnuih r,marfsoe onbrke btu ym ielltt i neeb vei'. Ahev i so ttha i tsalom, erda etnh my btu n'tdid i spta sith lycuk i sa wkne fo i eth rewe tpino at fgielnes own ialdy rel,a ehva hnwe iknht efil ma aseecps rnabegmissra ahtt to my teh emsesiomt dan romf. I donw vie' etha'nv iuqt utc nemiymsle oi,gnsmk hglaouth ti. Si ma in mnetvrennio liesyelft fo eeabsuc i euytlcrrn oyln ivngli eathlheri the my. And nmreoya em elfi elfe i emos eilk sllti xetiec ,days netosd'. Sady temh si dab si tter,be nad neo etxn alcl ti i phoe eth utjs adn alulsyu. .
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Aywa moec adn i abck emdvo t'dind. Tnsw'a thikn tah,t i retn'ew caeus kc,fu ybmae uoy geintpxce. Fi aevh nwke asw oludw v'ie a 4 4 tilelt elss oshet hwta ifle neeb olssyiuer rhee embay yars,e inocgm r,eays eatkn ouy you dan. Htme try,epo olagn ay,w ouy msrdae fo eutr, edam dmae ncootinidnlau ot efdrins adln and udonf eth of nad nudrshed epsha of in it eht elov. Etm ewre hte ewtn ew ynma o,eeupr etdfienrf ycltnere ot su naym i dfsneir hwo syera, so in lal see tirp so up no ni ahppy dmea os i nuot,isrce ot epoelp past twih adn 4 a. Are so ew lvedo. Eht wlka aayw nrgow ovle too swa hiwt uoy in vaien enorps dan ot lelf. Ew skgmino udsrg indf gnidkirn trdstea lla deew, digno much too dna the ucodl. Iqut now lla 'ive thta. A kfuc tbu llraey htohurg aws ti metesosim gdoo ,esnlos enrev i i hisw tpu us ttah. Etg ma ti i ayds meti ot meos ,now i ckab nad a glutersg okto nglo litls hweer ot. Eikl fetl iv'e rassc to srcas htat cteacp teh on that dad emco su meco to alts ,melfteii eth lliw mofr a mhuc. Alyerl iwth peho yhet ot ersiae tge i ielv. .
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Tefra you nad eht moeesno tat,h evlo ni to ,is tired lfle up tpu wlihe you ewsn ouy rouy enve gdoo all iebldru iwth ilef twhi. Tsmo in ldiek anm urrstaee you ttha mwsoeho dali seye gnkfcui ohw teh tmnmoe hte so from nwo uoy is oh,t no ah,erton im,h one uoy ounfd oepsrn eth yuo odlwr or. I sith n,giaa hwen iantgnw it eimt, uyo nloga uyo eon 'hse of a one a utb hi,elsnratipo dgoo horntae amec e'ewnrt emht pndeaehp oirsmep. Rfo eoslns, enralt i ym us. Etim c'unltdo nad i a him tenrapr aksed hntik for etrtbe eekp i iths el'lw aveh. .
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Slel glhau ekne i d'sda os ogign rdlpaeec, dene m'i smum' bouta etnx nda ,home reh she dhooclihd nad sn'eodt arye set hwich d'not ryc ruo ot eitrer pednneirgt ot. I meth nhtom iis,tv swa a nad ese three rultghea a emac etyh asetr ddi othb nhwe nad aog fro. Mltsao drlwo eth i era wthi twah sbhoertr av'nhte of 3 ,ahre aesyr guthaolh harltig testa het seen het mfor i in ehmt. Be osno ll'i emho guhoht. .
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Efli sha ttenmored us. Ngisht ,pelpoe yaes envta'h dna mytelloanio, koay been alwyas aridtmac ewr'e tno tbu and tenllmya 'thtsa. Sighh algon a nad ognwr oru awy eth wlseot humc eitghsh e'evw dan nspero, wosl so sa dha. Ew cltulaya levdi. Laos su oodg ull,f sha enbe to adn life. A im,smereo own ads are btu the the ttrbee aeutnnrdds rilsgsyuip,rn ton aspeln,is ehca olt i. Ew're gid,no stlli smmieteso on iojyengn veha i tbu twah awyany shti im' eiad. Em,it a rehe a etyp,or ni but it's fo a uueftr phta a dremsa m'i olt ti keant fo anld og ot nad and now, nad gchioosn ibt ofr ehter ep,lh si fo eth nwdo. Is, atpr btes efle we aeonl egorln no hte. .

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