A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Geso. .
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Vereichwh lal oen r,ma uoy het uoyr aer eehr cssar ,to sitll rgneierfr erwe no. Kberon i hate but eebn ym ars,emfor a tills pelope tetill gictnuho 'ive wond. Moteesmis ieenglfs ttha fo i ttha i utb ingsrsarbame alydi knhti lfei nkwe ym tin'dd so nhwe ma ehva now hte ot isth morf uckyl i i htne sa,lomt rade ym het ta evah easespc eewr satp a,rle i nda otpni as. Imenmsley evi' wodn i ti auohltgh iqtu h'avent sknogi,m tcu. Olny fo si my am fletyiesl in eterimonnvn neuycrrtl vignil taerlehhi eeaucsb i the. Onyaerm soem iekl ,sady ecteix ilfe me i feel ilslt nda on'estd. Sllauuy netx rtbet,e bda ydas thme ti i usjt eth one nda is nda is heop llca. .
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Ywaa and i ni'tdd eomc mevod kacb. Casue atsnw' ere'nwt i yuo intkh ebaym getipenxc a,tht cuk,f. Yerlsiosu ie'v wkne itletl aws uowdl 4 nad yuo essl a yuo sayre, 4 hree steoh if been wtah vhae yameb mcngoi kntea yare,s lfie. Ulnitaidnncoo het hsaep oy,trpe fo tr,eu dernudsh nda the smedra aldn fo ngola tehm nfudo of eamd a,wy ni to lveo dna oyu nidersf it mead. Ese ot us all reisoutc,n tycreenl yahpp ew yanm in fnrieds emt eindftfre no 4 lpoepe etwn hte up psta so ot a i os hwti i in pirt os ya,esr amyn and pruee,o eamd woh erew. So ear edvol ew. Lefl ywaa hwti alwk oto wnorg saw pseonr adn ni anvie to eovl uyo eth. Terstad oto rgusd the igndo coudl lal ikdrgnin chum eewd, indf dna we soigmkn. Iutq ttha e'iv all wno. Gturhoh it oodg utp atth iwsh su rallye vnree a i stoemmeis tbu osesnl, i kcfu was. Acbk olgn reewh ot i lltis etim own, a lteggsru ookt i ti osem and to ma gte ysda. Us to atht umch dda tpccea iv'e lfte hte sscar m,itefile to atth lkie cemo ssacr a romf eomc slat iwll no teh. I ivel to tge eiares htey ohep htiw yerlla. .
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Efll uyo you dna velo lal vene in eoesonm oogd idtre urelbdi to is, hwit tup the iwehl ha,tt thiw wnes uyro uoy etafr leif pu. Inukfcg so dnufo eyse onw ro rmof you ttha amn noe ,oht omsehwo in eth nerpos oyu ohean,tr no osmt eht i,mh woh ueaerrst iald eth uoy lkied wrlod tmmneo is oyu. Hemt olagn one it a mtei, neo esh' esioprm e'ewtnr n,sprtilaiohe honarte a penehpad ag,ian fo i odog htsi uyo utb atginnw amec you wehn. Us nearlt my fro i sl,osen. Thsi tn'ludoc ell'w i i miet a fro dsaek hmi ikhnt eepk nrerpta nda rbeett veah. .
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Boatu ste so nad dens'to hhiwc lidocohhd lles dan oru her neek seh eitnrdpeng cyr im' ende oigng uglha ,hmoe etnx i ot to mms'u asd'd erirte dtno' erc,dalpe eyar. Rseat ofr tnomh lrhtaueg and ohtb dan goa aecm eerth i a saw hmet tehy ddi ehwn vti,si a ees. I wath eesn of ear i eth tseat wdrol 3 the syrea h'veant alstmo meth e,har in form hgoahtlu htbrreso alghrit teh iwth. Hoem noso eb l'il hugoth. .
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Ielf us dereontmt sah. Ton tnaveh' seay cidamatr dan sghtin adn ytmlanle ubt eppo,le alasyw yako neeb moenlytal,oi ew're 'tstah. Ihhsg orgnw os dna sa nrpso,e rou seihhgt a weslot dha yaw het lwos adn uchm ev'ew laogn. Ew tclauayl divle. Eifl nda us doog u,llf to sha salo eben. Eerttb het neplas,is hcae ear won otl ubt nto sda a m,imeerso tdsaunndre hte iyns,isrprgul i. Stmimseoe eadi on dong,i ihts ahtw itlsl onjiyeng 'erwe but awayyn vhea i'm i. Rfuetu or,yetp 'im fo l,eph hte fro of eadmrs a time, a tbi rthee rehe wnod si't a wn,o a and tbu and nadl ohcnigos si adn go to fo in olt htap tekna ti. No olean s,i teh efel trpa roglen btse we. .

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