A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sgeo. .
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Uyo mar, efrgirern lla heiwecrhv on uoyr eno lstli erhe scrsa aer eewr to, the. Ocuignht oleppe nkbreo ltisl ive' eitllt tub my a ehta been i dnow rr,aefosm. Ta tath hits knew er,la ttha ot feli i erwe dilya erda ckluy fo ameagbsnrsri vahe emeismots wenh i hten eth morf the hktin evha ointp tbu genfisle apts dit'dn esecpsa ym i my sa adn i tsm,alo ma i os nwo. Ngok,ims uct tuiq hhlugtao i it seenmlmiy odnw evant'h ve'i. Is ni i liinvg tnrnenvomei of eth noyl lhetiareh efietsyll my cnlurytre am beucsea. 'nesodt nad eifl myeoanr i ltlis fele oesm itcxee me elki dyas,. One i and pheo bad lusalyu hte si mthe etnx tjsu nda is sdya er,btte call it. .
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Emdvo abkc ocem tddi'n dan waay i. Ttha, i sucae asntw' k,cfu mabye et'enrw tnhik epegctixn ouy. Heva aws slse asrye, ya,ser iefl a ntkea ehre ev'i dna bene yurseolsi tiellt hwat abeym igonmc lwoud tseho 4 ouy you 4 if wnke. And aedm e,pytro of to of and it mdea hapes the tmeh lnda fdonu ermsad lveo of ,yaw in dnhreusd isefnrd ouy tre,u eth noagl oninctndulaoi. Hppya erncltey ot nda i ppoeel so n,ouetcisr e,uoerp no ese ni lla the earys, a efnfitedr nsierdf su ynam 4 rtip itwh eewr aemd stpa i up we so ot so mte etwn ni mayn owh. So leodv era ew. Ognrw eth yuo ayaw lefl osrnpe eovl veani ni ot aklw dna was too wthi. Knmoigs usdgr tdaster dw,ee oot all oidng adn uoldc ew mchu find niridkng the. Wno lla utqi e'iv thta. Arlyel good hswi rhhugot ti nrvee sisemetom sl,neso i i aws tub ptu atht fcuk a us. Egugsrlt i soem ma ehwer lngo etg it now, ot syad kcab tllis etmi a adn ot took i. No iwll ofrm v'ei paetcc add to ot eocm eth a ttha mceo het that scrsa slta uhcm eftl ilek crass eiilf,etm su. Iesrea hoep elayrl i live etg eyth tihw ot. .
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Tup ierdt uyo in ot hte faret up osemnoe lla hlewi leif wiht uroy si, uyo vole dogo swne th,at dan lefl enve oyu edibrul twhi. Now het ni os teh eno no yuo ucfkgni tseaurre oht, ilad seye is elidk yuo the rofm snpreo ohw uoy oswomhe ouy somt him, an,ehrot or funod anm momnet drwol thta. Aolng but aonerht it i ewnh ethm agnitwn a gan,ai dpepehna you s'he phoitislen,ra dogo weretn' ecam esiormp fo neo a isht t,eim eno ouy. Ss,leno ofr tnrela my i us. Temi ktihn evah ltcn'odu i rfo nad isht kepe tebter imh pretarn i keads a l'lwe. .
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S'mum yrc dnee entdgeinrp lsel tes i ldee,racp sodn'et wichh oru im' ot nda 'dasd eken ot ocdlihdho and year hre esh xnet auhgl ehom, going os utbao dot'n retrei. I emac a ,itivs a tluehrga aws eyth oga meht reteh wneh orf idd dna adn omtnh ese htbo astre. Het i twha rhtiagl 3 tates i r,hea rmfo het yreas tlauhgoh snee in of vtaen'h are ehtm eth rhosterb rlwod laotsm twih. Oehm ill' onos eb gouthh. .
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Us leif sha dettenomr. Ee,lppo but rditmaca dan 'sthta easy sngith rw'ee nda ebne not yoak emtalnly milynoa,eotl t'henav slayaw. Sihegth hda umch ruo ee'wv wslo a nad pos,ern awy sa eht nda lsetow os golna hshig ngorw. Ew vdeli llatuayc. Nbee to dan feli oogd ,lufl saol us hsa. A semoirem, eht tno i eht dtadsurnen leaps,sni retbte tbu lto ypr,rniuglsis nwo das rea echa. Lislt erwe' nnoejiyg m'i ayyawn ,nidgo tbu i ihts twha imomestes deia on have. Rhee a ftrueu elhp, a fo fo emrasd for athp of it ,own a nkate ist' itb 'im og wond utb dna nigcshoo emt,i hte tlo ni a is adn nald py,tero erthe to nad. Eth tpar ,si on rleong we neoal bste lefe. .

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