A letter from July 9th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Are you happy? Have you started testosterone? I don’t think you’ve gotten surgery but are you near it? Who are you with? Did Chloe hurt you or did you hurt her? Are you still together? I really hope you are but if not, I’m sorry to whoever you’re dating for bringing it up. I’m self conscious about a lot and I want to know what’s changed. My mouth, I don’t think that’ll change though. I’m short. I have small hands and feet. My eyebrows are thin. My thighs are too big. People like to pretend I’m a little child. Do people still think you’re stupid and need to be protected? Has your voice gotten any deeper? Do you still play the ukulele? I know this won’t mean much because I’m 15 and what do I know, but I really think you’re going to get through this if you haven’t already. I hope you haven’t hurt yourself. The last time should be February 2018. Does that sound like an old number? 2019 sounds fake to me. I wonder if I’ll even still have the same email. Or if I decided to go to college. I really want to become an actor but it’s really hard, are you doing good with that? Have you given up? What do you do? I really hope you’re ok and I wish you could write back to me. I love you. I wish I was there instead of here.

Epilogue

about 8 hours later

My whole life I’ve been quiet, I’ve always felt like my voice will never be heard. I don’t know who would care for me or have empathy without expecting something...

Ni enrrtu. Put i ehnw leyfsm od ftris? gte ot.
Ot eiv’ aielm stju veif omfr gte yelmsf etiawd an i ayser ireleazd. Uto i ot wtih ldou waenrs rdea sreu echa eiaml tqoeisun tath crae, mingka. Btu maelnt bda in in mi a mi psot ppahy elfi. I tbu 9021 cdunot’l it torboec mtadi esh uthr em lnitu. Lyatcalu btu gjeusd einissruitce ehsot i fro naeoyn me d’otn raec batou who thme i eavh. .
Olve ouy oto i.
I asw and cbak i l,mfsey nthe tengigt eelf td’ndi lyfems i atwn to ovel cmootfr i ohsw to hug wtan.
Dwaent escuaeb ghtenosmi ot i os rpapdet life i dwfrora to ni kloo left.
Digon ettrbe ni s’it dthbraiy lfie, mhcu ydtao my 12ts im. Odn’t enev noggi clhaloo sith wdrroei liesp leraedzi i itna ubt you ot iknht be saw emos i aws. Het aorffd my a ym boj, eysa onw ,ekli hvea i an i vhae ni fo rutufe, rfn,eid thwi mefd,roe ahve aehv hows’ enic sutff i i eaotrmo i plnas anc risdnfe btes i uropgs ’tsi. Fro i drah owdker i dan isht redeevs sthi. Sthi nda uoy htis orf hdar krwedo rdeseve oyu. Rwee you i too rehe shwi. Ktinh goaln kitglan it ktihn hnreeitgyv i to ygnueor i lieam tubao tuoab lfe,s my sthi whit. Slef i my ytr omfctor nda tlo a aiimeng teh veul’owd to qiuet i seunotqsi i eksda unroegy. Eevr i mfro tceidr ubt 51 ldo utcagh ortnbeghi in dten me i o,ff enwh ahtt get em awhst’ thta shit os pu eysar tncciuomomnai i ady si a wsa ot. Rithg to now ldchi mi atinglk a. Nad gte ot seeersvd ttha darh ti dkeowr eh child eerh slao. Ratst i i hetlah to my ende eritebtng adn nlamet inkth eleisfsytl.

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fracturedfriends:

over 2 years ago

This is probably my favorite one I've ever read, I'm glad you are in better place. I hope you keep giving yourself message from past you. I know I look forward to each email past me sent.

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