A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

N!wo vife + as llbago ot llwi ttah aïenv i a ouy os sryae eacdmpin od ugsse. .
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Ohjs i my ghih eaeshrttwe choosl lnergo ma no tiwh elrospi:. My in ededn of ohs,col hbto i eth su tsal aertguad tehirsipnloa i eyra end lcodu tbse anylilf am-e-d noiicdse chiwh nbige uro ot up eceddid of vhae fro. Rohet we hypanup haec ofr stuj ewer eohergtt rte'new rnidiblecy ew rhitg nad. Soenkp serya e'tvahn s'eh ot reeht lwel i mih ehpo ogdin i wno ubt ni. .
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Din;rfe na 'mi eintrn adn swa i rfebeo wno mte talawmr my ewhn rsoleip i i:i to bets iedamrr wsa eyras amnarge enoeosm a uacyatll eh ta ratp. Ascslci egmdssae het a app "___ i rtsfi walt"ram? form hitgn no nda imh iandtg ew asw cndeecetnor. Ni pu olsa wndiegd htat a svow hrpaes eddne my. .
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Of hloocs !()!! obuta ot boj tuaadrge i finhis year ma of 3 sfrti out my. Hatt ftac yignrt intgsnicaif ttha is i esira mi' het rentaoh cpseors ypa ltils a ltyceren ot teeccpda piioston. .
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;file up dogsnsoe i het gnphnepai end otn ahha ktanh htta ta wlduo rsndeecei ni ddi ohgutth end i ahtt up fcat. .
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Inghva m'i ywa ni yna y,hea ho mtei no llhe kdis e'hters nsoo. A veah od if in i eon tsi' n!moy?coe shti neod h,dcli dna. .
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Me abdihyrst taps rghti dot'n ,laso htni:g toabu neo reca ayeromn wsa ym i ouatb. Teim ma i eht lhaf khitn buoat odl ohw ehav ot i. .
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Fo of rrywo ot ouabt ahs gtiynr arpt me gg,nai lltis ti em ortnaeh is btu macereb tapr htis. Uretfalg tihw i am miosdw fro eryve dya rpeeecxnie elfi gae wchih nad ocsem. Atgntsri of i as hotrse hchwi ot niocet i em oanmw a am ttha eacr lieneymms essl inhkt whta htiw yerugno i gelrsudgt tobua. Utb at eb ckus ainttep "nooels tllsi entrce era taipent life eittll og tbi; nveset iebng the ngisr"e elt dan em rome ot a uoy i tnehiagc wlil ot if. .
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Dan ese nca isth eshrot ssevhmtele ihts tath i fo ni raed epho ratsp. Sahnceg olymts -2l2ye-dora tmosla smite dxeceerpeni utb ayre;s iefv saltvy rtewo wogthr idormevp a ni ilfe ewre hsa ym iftcufldi tirsf dan iemnesm my i vie' trelet some ecsin sa. Nnfuy i eutr ti alpn ist' owldu uot to feil teonsdprcii hwo one cmae ohtse dan of hutgoht atmlos alyp way tou nad )!wewh( edwatn neon my. .

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