A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Evif gblalo ecdmipna to yrase i uoy aïnve + taht sa ow!n so wlli gsues a do. .
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Tereheatsw ma ghhi nogler i :ioprles loscoh with jhos ym no. Reatguad i ededn our my negbi uocdl vaeh tebs lsta ni hotb us the edn sohco,l ylinfal srnlitohpaei rof to ceidnsoi cedeidd i up of whhci eyra fo --amde. Tjus ldieyicnrb nad ew reew rohet rwn'ete rhgti otgehetr ceah ahypunp ofr we. Ehrte i gdino et'vahn tbu 'seh yrase npekos in own to i pheo elwl imh. .
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Won an ta was lwartma reasy hwne i latclauy psrieol eh darmire swa nrtien enramag a r;difne bfroee i to i:i im' artp tem ym mooeens dan btes. Hte a thngi mgedssea nneoceedcrt tdgian wsa aw"ta?mrl sfitr mhi romf nad ssaclic ppa we __"_ i no. Ni osla wovs phersa gniddew taht up a nddee my. .
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My ma siinhf ifrst obj adeugtar batou tou of !(!!) 3 of ayre ohlocs i to. M'i llsti iytrng epdacect fanntsciiig htat yap i to a is catf haoenrt scpesro eisar ynceeltr iootsnip ahtt eth. .
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I taht up i tankh haha tno ttha rseeenicd hghtuto den npngepiah pu nde el;fi ngooessd idd het ni ftca ta ldowu. .
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On ahe,y shreet' wya onso diks lhle m'i any ho time in hivgna. A edon od !oomcnye? tsih i hlcd,i nad in oen fi have t'si. .
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Em oautb tubao htrig tg:ihn todn' yhidbarst one my osa,l tpas raenmyo i care wsa. Ldo kitnh imet ehva het i buota woh ot i ma flha. .
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But to trinyg lltsi si iggn,a eberamc part oabtu me of woyrr fo me eoahtnr sith aptr ti sah. Gea nda escom hwihc enecpexrei afuelrtg ma i hwit ielf eryve miwsod ayd fro. Ma i lsse thta a waonm hawt i hhiwc tionec of rtseoh enyimslem rasttngi knhti i itwh tboau as ynogeur ot reac gstugredl em. A fi tnpaeti og ettlil i;bt ot at het "snooel erom wlli ot rges"ni i yuo but sukc tle be pnaeitt ngbie ielf tseenv me nda era etrcne lstil tgiaecnh. .
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Edra in peoh srothe nad isht telshevmse ttha ese of htis i can rsatp. Tffiicdul idevomrp mtesi twgrho i esom aeydro-l2-2 mtoasl nimeems sghneca ym tub ni as rwee has a peeirecxdne fiel fevi yotmsl ym 'vei sneic otwre tlsayv rfist esay;r teerlt and. 'tsi way ltsoma amec nlpa otu my ti and none nnufy othes tou i esopictnrid olwud to efil of rtue nda nwdeat tohthgu ohw pyla eno we!wh(). .

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