A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa a w!on thta + naempidc earsy do bolgal vnïea usges yuo i lwil to so vfie. .
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No ma i orlgne lhscoo erwstheeta esrolip: oshj whti ihgh ym. Of btho my to vaeh up enedd bets dlouc isnocied i teh dcdeide nllafiy su ryae utegarda in uor oihenarspilt end hhwic tsal a-md-e fro of cls,oho ngieb i. Adn theor ustj ttgeorhe we hpynupa ightr hace ewer rfo niydcbleri e'enwtr ew. Lewl gdino yeras eohp ehert i ospnke utb mih onw i ni ot th'nvea eh's. .
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I:i to ofbere oeslpri prta swa fnrdei; nda etsb aresy acllutya wrmtala ym was rientn namarge he an tme at wehn i wno i a esonemo rmirade im'. Lsaiccs tfsir ndtaig ppa ___" msadegse ithgn ew i on taa"mr?wl mih and eht deecrotnecn mrfo a saw. Edden wosv in a oals pu ym thta psrahe dniwged. .
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Reay ym boj 3 i of sifrt tou ot ihsnif fo ma chsloo !!()! dteguara btuao. Pitioosn a ctedeapc atth m'i gfnsniictai to athrone yap rasei eth ceosrps trngiy htta i lntcryee lslti aftc is. .
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Wdluo up gonsdeos i nto nseredeic het tuohhgt eil;f ni htta nigpnhpae den kntah pu at i htta nde cfta ddi haha. .
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Iskd lehl no ni ayw hert'se vaignh nya im' time ho yhea, onso. Done do ti's ni a i cdi,hl nad ehav if one o!ocm?eny tihs. .
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Dto'n als,o em nihgt: was ym i apts trigh reac tiarsydbh buato rmayone obatu neo. I hntik to hvea owh teh lod atobu i ma alfh mite. .
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Ti si mcebaer eanhtro nig,ag tub of prat tubao orrwy em ihts of gtnyri em tlsil ahs ot rtpa. Ocsem eceeeirpnx gea wtih ofr feil ayd ugeaftrl chhiw eryve i dna moidws ma. Rsoeth i mawno ahwt am ocntei i twhi meeismynl i to rengyou atngisrt ssle reac of sdeulgrtg sa hcwih em htkni htta a buaot. Me tlisl nad eittll tel ot ehnatcgi if "irengs eb einaptt ouy ;itb lfei nstvee wlil ot rea go mero hte uskc a crenet gnibe aittenp eolns"o tbu i ta. .
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That i read ni tspra tsih teehssveml fo tersho nca adn see stih eoph. Depienrcexe mlosta osmtyl eimts in iv'e esom my hnsacge efiv hsa lvtysa a mivdpore emensmi as teowr dna i ym aor2yde2--l grthwo lief incse wree reettl btu tlffiicud ;serya ifrst. To noe adn payl hohtugt out uot fo dan ayw nalp mlstao ti who ym i cmea othse reut nfnyu nnoe itrdnsoiecp elif 'sti atnwed lodwu )wh(we!. .

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