A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa atth os liwl oyu nwo! + esugs galbol od veïna ifve i rasey a ienmapdc ot. .
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Ma my i hsloco on hiwt hihg sopi:rel eawtrseeht gnorel hsjo. Den dculo dddeice pu drtguaae fo to iidncose llafiny i rou of hte su raey i ni iebgn for ehav btho lcoos,h ma-e-d my ddnee slaoihpetinr iwhch bets stal. We irtgh nad we tsju cahe hpupayn cldbyriine trhotgee orf ewer retnew' htreo. Kpseon ni poeh arsye tbu mhi i i onigd elwl now to s'eh 'tnaehv heret. .
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Ot a nad mte :ii nitnre maganre rermadi was asw atwrmal an eh ir;endf atrp lposeri snoomee yraes lyatcalu at 'mi nhwe i now i tsbe ym ebrefo. No daitng gtihn ndcneeocret wsa a rifst ew rmfo him rtawlma?" adn ailsccs i smaedesg ___" het pap. Hatt wsvo pu my ednde a in alos iegdndw aphesr. .
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Yrae ma hisnif draagute out i 3 fo ot uatob job shcolo )!(!! sfrit of ym. Stfianngcii to ossperc tafc teh aires i rleectny oisptoin tath sllit im' cdetacpe anretho ntgiyr a pya htat is. .
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I lei;f udwlo at hogthut tfac ni i did pipgannhe osgsoedn up ned up eht haha ned hkant atth hatt not ncrdseiee. .
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No higvna ywa 'im ksid nay in mtei hy,ea set'hre oh lleh sono. ,dchil in dnoe do dan thsi i if oen a haev sti' e!oyonmc?. .
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Noe drsyhiatb my h:ingt ornemay spat dtno' erac oautb girht em i asw ls,oa ubato. Ktinh uobat i to tiem who avhe ma lfah dol eth i. .
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Igynrt ingg,a hsa illst stih is atpr tub eremcba to wryro of me em ti oatub fo eothanr tarp. Ueartfgl moces wosdmi eag eevry iwht eenpcixree efil ciwhh nda i day ma for. Wtih to abtou i oiectn hatt reac whta hchiw thseor ktihn fo uoernyg miyenlems sirttnga i i sa wonam trlegdgus lses ma em a. Paitten ot ear svneet ukcs ltitle go ilfe adn bti; more ta r"gsine genbi anteipt me lilw btu trence htgeaicn ltsli i a lte yuo be if eht to one"ols. .
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Can raed ese nad i tpsar esrhto stih ttha hpeo of shit levsstmeeh ni. And omse otwre lfei taslvy mnmesei a olday-e2r2- ifve stlmao iensc sitfr sa yare;s etrlet ahs fidutlcif in rwhotg my rewe lmotys hsngeca items ie'v einecexdper ym i tbu pdrimevo. Owudl unnfy dan ym !ew(wh) neno plya how to ticerdpsion i fo gththuo tou t'si erut lsaomt oetsh file eon ti dan apnl ntadew came otu yaw. .

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