Hey Kellz Bellz

Dear FutureMe, I found this website today, which was a strange coincidence since I was actually thinking earlier that I wanted to write a letter to you. Anyways, tomorrow is the last day of classes for the 2009 Fall semester. I've survived three semesters of college (almost!) and I'm not engaged! Haha. Only at BYU is that even a legitimate fear. Anyways, I just want you to know that I'm in love with life and being alive. I hope you still are. Things are harder than they've ever been for me, but I don't know if I would change anything. Do you remember when I got two parking violations in one week and lamented that soon I would be out of money and living on the streets? Hopefully money's not an issue for you anymore. Do you remember the crazy weeks of Christmas Around the World rehearsals? And do you remember Tanner Hardison, who I barely met but fell in love with? I wonder if anything will ever happen between the two of us. At this moment, he probably thinks I'm crazy (remember the Wad Wad Squad? Haha!) and he doesn't really talk to me. Did things ever work out with Paul Moss? Who knows, he might be married now (and probably not to me). He's such an awesome guy. I hope you're in love with someone like him. Currently I'm not in a relationship with anyone, even though I really feel like I want a boyfriend. Rebecca just started dating Curtis. It seems like everyone around here is dating people but me. At the same time, though, I don't know if I actually want a relationship....oh, love. What a crazy thing it is. Are you married? I don't think you would be...but wow, that would be so weird if you were! It's hard for me to imagine being married...it's hard for me to imagine loving someone enough to want to be with them forever! If you are married, well, congratulations! Sorry I missed your bridal shower :p I hope marriage is even more wonderful than you imagined! And if not...don't worry, he's out there somewhere. And he will be so amazing. Remember that, especially when your love life isn't looking how you want it to--that man who completes you is just waiting to find you. And you have to have a lot of relationships NOT work out before you finally find him. After all, what would happen to him if you ended up with some other guy? So keep your courage high and your lipstick handy, girl! How did Miss Utah go? I hope you won...I think. There's a part of me that wants so badly to achieve all my big dreams, but another part of me that is afraid of what might happen if I do. There's still a part of me that just wants to live a normal life; college, marriage, kids. I secretly hope the big dreams won out, though. Are you Miss America, too? I can't even imagine what that would be like! I want it, I really do, but it's so hard to even fathom! If you are, congratulations! You deserve it. I know how hard you've worked to achieve that. Anyways, if you ever pass by here, will you please wish your 19-year-old self luck? Just tell me that it's going to be okay...give me a peek at all the happiness the future holds! Sometimes it's so hard to keep perspective when you're drowning in papers, tests, and boys who you're in love with but who aren't interested in you. Just remember--I love you. You're an amazing girl, and I'm sure you're even more amazing now that you've had another year and half of life experiences. No matter what you're going through, I know you can make it through. God won't give you more than you can bear. I'm looking forward to being you--I can't wait to have all the awesome experiences I know you must be having! Please keep smiling and know that there are a lot of people looking up to you (including me!) Good luck! PastMe PS- Are you still dancing? Is PAC a realistic goal? I sure hope so!! :) I love you!