Old letter written to self: Diary Entry 12/1/06

Dear FutureMe, Today was fun for me, I got a new Nextel phone. I love the bleep button. I actually got it yesterday but started using it today. I am 15 years old, 150 poundsish, and 5'7" ish. Today is Friday. I watched the movie Accepted with Toni-jo, this girl is so ******* annoying. I should have tried to call someone else, but she was the first person I thought of who would say yes. I feel bad for her though, because her grandma, who lived with her died two weeks ago. I really want to buy a new wardrobe and change my hairstyle because. First of all most of my pants are getting too tight or the ones that fit are too short. My hair is short. I like the length, but I want to do something cute with it. My aunt is a hairdresser, and I love when she does my hair. Sorry about the color change.(I switched from black to blue ink) The pen just died. I also want new makeup. I don't like to put too much on, but it makes me feel cool. I love it. I work at shoprite right now, don't get excited. I'm a bagger and returner. one time they even sent me to Petes bagels to get them breakfast. I made $71& change for 12 hours. Its not much, but minimum wage is $6.75. To me, the pay is great because I need well, want money to buy new stuff, christmas presents for my family. This year I will buy my brothers and sister and mom and dad things and make my grandparents and ungles sugar cokies. I want to do something nice for everyone. I think it would be pretty cool to help out at a toy drive for poor kids. Random, but true. I plan in my future to find a job that helps people in this world in health or charity. I really want to talk about my room. every single wall has pictures. I love looking at all of them and remembering the past and thinking of what will happen in the future. I have a friend friend right now who is in the hospital for deppression, cutting herself, and an eating disorder either bulemia or anorexia. I felel extremely bad for her because she was very quiet, and now I am realizing that this year she was very outgoing. maybe something happened to her and shes not telling us. somethims i get mad about little things, but i could never hurt myself the way she does because I know there are people who love mevery much, who I also love back. My mom said she doesn't want me to get upset. She is very wrong. I am not upset at all. I'm just very confused at how this happend to my friend. it happens to lots of people, but I think,"no not my friend" I thought we were all happy with ourselves and told eachother every little detail about each other. its so complicated to begin to try to grasp whats in her mind. I really want to be there for her. I told kelley that I visited her, but i didn't say who it was I just told her it was a friend. She told me "I was brave for going", I don't think I was brave at all for visiting her, because I know that she needs friends to be there and make her feel happy. I think kelley(who is my friend who lives in ireland) should have replaced brave with loyal to our friendship. I love my life, because every single friend I've ever had has molded me into the person that I want to be. I'm not saying I'm perfect, no one ever is, from my brother and sister ive learned how to stay out of trouble, they are very good examples for me. I love them. Toni jo taught me that I need control to have people accept me. Anita to relax, Erin to go crazy and enjoy the life placed before me. Jastlin to think before I act, XuDan to question my abilities, Elizabeth definetly to study more, Josephine how to act chill-because she invented it!, Normajean that I need some spunk in my life. Guillermina that love life for many people is and can be complicated, Caitlin not to act too mean or people will be scared of me. Lindsay how to have fun in french*games-hangman*tictactoe haha fun, music-every style has different attitudes, tv-is retarted...but the best shows are law & order/CSI/ Untold Stories of the ER/ ER...mom and dad- to love god and obey them..matt and brian- how to protect, pictures rememberance of days past & a future unwritten, hnana to enjoy my youth and have fun, poppa love his poems, aunts and uncles-family is a big part of life, grandma- love the woman hate the mess!!, grandpa- love hsi ideas, the greatest part of my life is that I don't get into trouble that often, I don't drink, go too crazy parties, do drugs, or have ***. I know tons of kids my age do, but I feel extremely proud to be able to say stuff like that about myself. I had a sip once at Josephines old trailer park. I had so much fun that night because there were a lot of guys there I don't usually hang out ith many guys, so i was so excited to be there. It sounds like I'm lying by saying I had one sip because i don't lie on paper. A couple of my friends drink for fun, or to get drunk, take drugs, and weed. I try to talk them out of it, they don't usually listen. I love that my friends never pressure me to do that stuff, I think I am very lucky for that . My sister once said to me that I was a loser because I don't drink. I think her opinion is a bunch of crap. Its great that I don't make wrong decisions like many people. This year 2007 that is, a great goal to make is expressing myself better in a more understood way. I will dress nicer and more appropriate for my age. I will talk when I should.