03.02.08

Daniel. I am on a website called www.futureme.org, and you write emails to yourself and send them in the future. Right now it is March 2, 2008. (March 3rd for you). I decided to write you one of these, after I wrote myself one. I chose to send it to you on your 17th birthday. I don't think you understand right now how much I truley love you.. I really do. You are all I want, and I hope that changes because it's very hard to deal with loving you. I don't know if you still love me, or if you do right now, but I hope you do. I don't know what's right, and what's wrong anymore. I'm happy right now, I think. I have a really bad chest cold/infection type thing, and I am sick. I am really pale, and I have slept a lot in the past 2 days, but I am still tired. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. When I see your photos, I melt. You are so beautiful, I hate not being able to explain to you how I see you. I don't know how others see you, but how I see you is... extraordinary. I wish you loved me, the way I love you. I don't know if you do, or not. If you ever will, or what. I want to know where I am right now in life. I should be graduated by this date.. and maybe I'm in Surrey, maybe I'm in England.. lately I have wanted to move to England after highschool, after visiting Australia, and becoming a writer for Cosmo or something. And theatre acting, still. I want to pursue that, no matter what. I may give up on singing, even though I do love it very much, I am not ballsy enough to just sing a song-- although I do. Maybe in musicals or something. I wonder if I am even still alive. Hahah. What if I wasn't how weird would that be? I found this website on Cosmo.com, it was a column on how to show your love over the internet, and I didn't even think about it until after I sent myself an email for later this year. I think things change a lot, and quickly. AT THE MOMENT, I am interested in FOUR boys!! One is a strong interest though. His name is Jake Baggio, and he is the radio guy's son. He is short, about 5'7. Like half an inch taller than me. He is Italian, with blue eyes, and brown hair. I like it when he does it 50'sesque, as I tell him.. and he does it lately, quite often. Hehe. We smile at eachother a lot in class. He is very popular, and loud and well liked.. but never seems to have a girlfriend. In grade 10 (I was in grade 9) he did, but it didn't last for TOO long. He's always talking about how he wants one, and I don't get it, girls just fall at his feet! But they apparently don't want relationships with him. Ah well, people should learn to like him for who he is.. not who his Dad is. I heard about your first meeting with Mikaela a few nights ago, and I cried. I don't know if she exaggerated, but it was beautiful, and I was so envious that she had gotten to experience that with you. She is SO beautiful, I understand why you wanted her over me. Maybe that wasn't the case.. I feel like this all is so real for me, and so funny for you.. what ever it is.. please know that it has taken up a large chunk of my heart, life, and mind. You've made me feel a lot strong, and a lot smarter. You make me want to experience the world.. and you make me want to taste. You really are my perfect person.. I wish we could talk so badly. I whine at you, and I just want to get across to you how badly I love you. *shrug* I say it a lot, but so did you. To me, and lots of others. They are all pretty. I am pretty, too. I have weird palms. I think I like them. I love my eyes, and my smile. I love your eyes and your smile, more though. They are beautiful. Did you think of me when you first met Mikaela? I asked her, and she said she mentioned me, but she couldn't remember. Wow. You are 17 today. I am 18? .. holy fuck. I am not far away from starting my life majorly. Wow. I need to get a headstart on that. I should forget about Jake, and worry about getting ahead in my career, and getting a job.. Lately I have thought about who I want to sleep with. I would choose one of these 4 boys, or you. Defintely you. And Jake. I wonder if we have met yet? I think about you a lot. Do you think about me? I think about being in Australia. I always worry that I am not pretty enough for when I finally meet you one day, but I really don't think that it matters that much. I sometimes think I am pretty, though. I will most likely grow into my looks even more so. When you first met me, I wasn't pretty. When you were 14, I was 15, I don't think I was very pretty. But you said I was. I wonder how things would have changed by now. This really makes me feel neat. I am just typing, and typing and not going back, I really like this. Haha. It feels so good.. I wish you would do these kind of things. I really want to send you some things in the mail. I think I will... my scent, some letters, some songs, movies? I don't know. Haha. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I probably look like a psycho right now, but you know how I am. I know you said you are more logical than I, but I make my life as exciting as I can. I felt love, so I exploded it into this unimaginable thing... maybe it's a bad thing but I feel a lot more because of it. Maybe the person I fell in love with is what exploded it. I feel like we really should be together one day. Maybe when we are old? Maybe you can move to England! I want to live there, I like the rain. I would visit Australia, but it's too hot for me. I like the rain, and the fog. So do you.. How long is your hair right now? Long or short? I like it short, but long looks just as good. You are so handsome. I don't know when I shoudl wrap this up.. probably soon because it's very long.. Probably getting tedious for you.. I remember writing you letters in the bath, in 2006, and how in love I was with you. It's the same, but tainted a bit. It's not as innocent. I feel passion for you, and longing. You never did write me a poem like you said you would. And I really can't say much else... I wish to meet you one day, I wish to kiss you and I want you to make love to me. I want to feel your hair and I want to touch your lips. I want to hear your voice, I want to stay up talking all night. Whatever has happened, has happened. Always know, that at this time in my life, I loved you more than I ever had loved anythign else. And I doubt the future loves to come, because my love for you exceeds that of sane people's loves for one another... I hope you are well. I hope we have spoke a lot in the past year, I hope you don't fall in love with anyone new. But I hope I do. How selfish... I only wish this because I know in the back of my mind, no one is as amazing as you. I feel like your love for another will exceed how you love me.. I used to lay in bed thinking about this love. Is it dead? I hope it never dies. Oohh how I love you, Jesus... I'm crazy, I'm a fool. xxx. Love always, Keshia Nicole Holt. [Kiki]