Dear Future Me, Happy Birthday

Dear FutureMe, Happy Birthday. You are now 23. Exciting huh? Like Jack's number in Lost. Like the parables of Jesus. Your life should being going well, a bit smoother by now (hopefully). But first, I have a lot of questions. Write down the answers, it will show you a lot. Are you still working at BNY Mellon? Whatever you are doing right now, get up and walk around for five minutes. Hell, if someone is there go and talk to them. Be active. Are you still working out at all? Find time for that. Are you with someone? If so, they should enjoy working out with you. What about law school? Are you at least preparing for that if not in it. There is a lot of uncertainty in your life right now (who to stay with -- should you stay with Chelsea, if you remember her?, What kind of job do you even want to apply for? Law school: should you ever go? Could you ever hope to be Allen Shore? Are you writing perhaps? Novels? Blogs? There is a lot of uncertainty. Are you still friends with Alex. Right now you are considering not living with anyone (except that certain someone once you find them) just because your ways of living are generally incompatible with others. How is Kevin doing? Do you still think about Catherine? What about Alyson? Geez... These could all be crazy steps behind you. How's mom and dad? Did mom find a new job yet? Is dad still keeping his sanity in some-sort of zig-zagged line? I'm going to tell you a few things about you now (that you will most likely forget. Physically: You are in okay shape. You are actually 5'7" (+3/4) and a little bit self conscious about it still. You are 160 lbs. A regular, sorta messy haircut with a little push-up in the front. No, you have not grayed at all. Nor Balded. Nor receded since the seventh grade. Size 9.5 shoe. (and of course, getting better looking by the day). You must be quite the handsome fellow now. Come on, this is funny stuff (that was from Arthur (think of Cara)). Emotionally: You're a bit scared. What the fuck are you going to do in the future? You want to be successful and open your own business but, you don't know what it would be. You still want to work hard. You're very into minimalism and manliness right now. Just being straightforward about everything. Enjoying all the smallest, most direct and succinct things your dad has to offer (but hasn't told you all about). You should have also completely forgiven him for anything he's done ever by now. You should no longer fear someone leaving you -- that would be called confidence. (It's kind of funny how optimistic I am about you, a good exercise I suppose). Remember this job at BNY: are you happier now? I'm really curious about that. That is where I am now. Sitting beside Andrea and Debbie Rendulic. Have any of your friends died since I've written this? scary thought... I hope you have found something more fulfilling than standby letters of credit (it might even pay more). If you are not with someone (and I mean someone you genuinely love), go out right now (call it a long coffee break if you must) and find a girl with charm (of any kind) and ask her out on a date. Just Fucking Do It! You need to be like that again and you know it. Call mom and tell her that you love her. Even if you just hung up. Call dad and thank him for being an excellent father, and even more, a great man. Call Kevin, see what you can do for him finally. Call Alex, see what he is doing. Get him to go out and get drinks. Call Cara, talk to her for at least an hour. Call Cat, thank her once again. Call Jon Gondelman, ask him what the hell he is doing (always an interesting kid). If you do not have a better job than now. A job that you are happy with. Get up and give your boss your two weeks notice. You will be fine. It sounds completely ridiculous. But do it. You'll be fine. If you're in law school, study your ass off. If you're in a different city, make sure you are making friends. If you are not in a different city, your only excuse is that your parents are sick, you found true love, or you have a job that you actually enjoy. If not, get up and go. That time will fly by and you will lose that opportunity. I know you are still playing guitar and singing (if not, fucking do it already). I know I have a bunch of expectations for you, but these are all things that you need to do. Remember: a boy does what he should, while a man chooses what he does. Why have I not done all of these, and why am I not doing them right now. I'm a little worried still. I'm hoping that if I bide my time an opportunity will come up. If it hasn't by the time you get this, then it is time to make your own opportunity. One final thing... If you are feeling completely down and still as confused as I am now, remember how to love. Remember that moment in your dodge neon with Cat. Kissing her when she still had braces. That is what you should be living for. Not the past, but being able to keep that feeling with someone else. Let it mature and don't get jealous. Don't push her away. If you don't genuinely feel that way with the girl you're with, and don't see it going there: Tell her. Just know that things will be as they are meant to be, so long as you work in the right direction with a sickening sense of discipline. This may have been long but I hope you read all of it. I love you man and really hope you're doing well (this is the ultimate letter in self-pity by the way). Most of all. I hope you're still alive. Hell, maybe you even have a kid now. Anyway, Just LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don't be stuck, refuse to be. Like they say in Vanilla Sky; OPEN YOUR EYES. Best of Luck and Love, Scott