A letter from May 03, 2026

Dear FutureMe, I’m not sure how to start this. I know things have been hard lately. I feel a bit stuck. A bit unsure where to go next. A bit alone. A bit let down by my body and by those around me. I don’t want to dwell on the negatives. I think it’s ok to not be ok and to not know the answers. There are things I can do. Actions. But am I living in the future too much? Yes I want more for myself but I have it pretty good now too. In some ways. But ill again, nervous about Emily visiting tomorrow, upset about antisemitic attacks, feeling disconnected from some friends and from the Jewish community. But I read a full book last week, I got some nice free food, I sketched a Ketubah idea, I felt the sun, the tension between myself and Eliza eased, I’ve mostly had the flat to myself the last couple of days, I had a really honest talk with luce and let myself cry in front of her, I got my teeth cleaned and started flossing again, I found a new podcast that makes me feel seen, I felt held by L. I’ve been given a lot of gifts. I’m truly lucky. And I’ve really been trying to help myself. At the same time I have some big feelings. Of disconnection. Of being undervalued. Of frustration. Some questions I’m now thinking about: Dear creator… ✨what do you need from me? ✨who do you need me to be? ✨how can I invite more light down onto this earth? ✨how do I participate in what I’m here for? I don’t have the answers. But I want to keep asking. Keep being open. Keep trusting that better things are coming and that my contribution is significant. I don’t just need emotional nourishment, i need spiritual nourishment. Creative nourishment, physical nourishment, brain nourishment. So that I can feel more and more me. And bring the light. Hmmm. I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx