Happy Birthday but i need to call you back to reality…

*Dear FutureMe* the morning after you tried to take your life will be like any other day,the leftovers you left for tommorow will still sit in the fridge ,your phone in the desk charging.Except it will have more than one call and messages from your family, telling you if it was something wrong “they would be there for you” that they didn’t want to push you enough ,your mother crying and yelling in your bed frame because she doesn’t really understand what did go wrong with her baby bc you will always be her baby ,U never talked ,u never tried,u shut everything to yourself in a selfish move.Your dog will think you hoped on a trip not knowing that was the last pet you gave him, the last play time you had with him, the last look of genuine love he gaved you, the last sock he robbed you with the scent he used to love and is falling out slowly, he will wait till ***** comes after him and his last white whisker falls wondering about you,dreaming and thinking you abandon him .Your online friends will wonder if you are okay and why you aren’t connect in the game you all used to play and laugh, they dont have a form to ask what happened because they never got to know the physical you, they’ll wonder for a long time why they see you active years ago never knowing the truth .The morning after you tried to take your life the world will keep spinning but not exactly for them, for them time will fold in on itself, for them there is no more time, the clocks will stop, your room will stay the same,the laundry you never folded because you where tired, the bed will stay unmade like they’re all just waiting for you to come back but you are not. And you think you had no one but in reality you had everyone you just couldn’t see it trough the darkness pressed against your eyelids , brain and even thoughts , you just couldn’t feel it you where never thought to, everything is new trough your eyes and to your soul.You won’t know that healing was already on his way,cthat the things breaking you were about to loosen their grip,that tommorow might have been the day everything changed but you weren’t there to see it because you might leave the world behind but for everyone else the world left with you. I know you may think is the only ways to finally solve everything, it is not.You’re going to be missed even if you feel your not.You are literally trowing all the hard work down a drain of blindness,your college application, your favorite sport classes,you passion, those albums that touched the deep fibers or your soul and even worse you’re gonna take away my life…. I dont want to survive anymore, i wanna live, get better,experience emotions,love someone,be myself for once, have true friends that doesn’t really get mad at me for who i am, being able to achieve and pursue my dreams and im gonna be robbed like we where of our innocence at a young age,you ain’t no difference from “her” if you do. However i still conserve that hope on you,on us.I know you hate this words with your guts, but im proud your still here standing after everything that happend,im glad we make it that far.Thank you for healing the things we never talked about and i hope you finally see your birthday as something to be joyful and not full of regrets or bad memories,i wish you to heal as my gift and i hope you have a~ Happy birthday !🎂 -With the only thing you now as “love”, Att.your past self (Psdta.This ain’t a st4b or a insult or anything ,is a call to reality ,to the consequences of your own actions and worse your life if you finally succeed in your most painful count you have.)