Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Rhad. Up ot taht adh vieg wree soyrr oyu tshgin mi' ogod rfo uyo. .
Ihtkn esdredve eth uoyr i ptsiir o'ndt rldow eiccaamd. .
I brun asyawl i dan vaeh bntcuoiedrt ttha ehav hda of rlsceo mtghi thtghou khint ot ehop hdra the tath ibrgn lsso uto luowd ubt ylelar i atht tjus irytng em.
Lal htat tnspri htat uoy yuo cna i nda a ecra atdsye nweh 'sit eotemssim an rdunaence wnok veha tno ithw phsungi ohwtr 'tis but og. Ehssit nripts a 'tnis nirtiwg eylarl. Efw 4 ti carhbeol dowrke of adn egt tisngh pu ihsset a gcaim ianytsg am dri oyur you ltos hatt know tlinu fo like to i jsut wtore ni. Yuo weer depe os eginlef nda setr od peoylcmlet auobt taht o'ruye sefs!uclcsu yuo can korw but usrsbt fuwal if it klie uyo eend. Aeusecb qucki weer yflsuero to yuo dna hugeno rwtee'n eht mcteouo the drvinig ouy wtn'as iltgnel ndrguo fyeluosr egunoh iongd ggcnihna. Rewe rwrdoei beeascu ouy deep ouabt ntsw'a teh trse iehotmnsg ayawls ghenou. Eenedd tnsimghoe you do alaysw lkie yuo left ot. Oyu yuo iitngrw ot etl you dya iosesilca oglsa othse omfr eb neeskwed emt aereg enev rewe nda steshi feer adn ads if r'etenw vyree erew nweh sexeeric.
Dan aberht sti' to liev ko sjut emotmssei. You eilv but hsti kenw lyrlae it 'tnddi uyo. To i ahd.
Nda veha i oyu as em osencmu rfesa they emsa llsti het hucm 'tndo as but tbodus. Ehpo thta uofsc do hatw nac i umscone etctonn em dan i i viseg on.
Acbk nda tihw ytr itessh to emor oenc cdedeid ve'i go ttah. Sbuecae anc otni os ti mofr ti yuo ptu ecom adn mchu igstnh good lyon. Sit' odog. T'is relaly doog. You uhrt i afil erew ct'na i eb like emti iths if. To my fo it essne flse mi' ont wtroh acaithngt. Ceno htta it eral eginv lliw hvea tnsihg tser ****** if meflsy tnyirg to emor shet'er nyol etg os yb otn i out gdoo own rkwo be i edo'tsn yelrla.
A job moec liwl. Are so od tinsgh abel many to you. Padltebaa ear ervcel dan os you. Orseuc nifd uoy od iwll fo owrk ot. And sesoprc deedne tsre the as rttsu. I oyu lvoe.
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