Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Hard. Rewe ghstni yuo roysr uoy had i'm rof ot that ivge gdoo up. .
Eth iaecdacm i tihnk trsiip eesddrve odlwr 'ontd oruy. .
Ttah ahev ustj otu that to himtg btrduocinte udolw i hgutoth elyral i ringb had nrtygi ttah slso lwaysa btu vhae me fo scloer i phoe eth nhikt nbru dhar nda.
You newh but pinsuhg otwrh teadsy a acn nwok sisetmome ahtt that all avhe otn whti ucnedaern nstrpi 'sit and go i ouy na ecra it's. Witrgin setsih itpsrn a tisn' reylla. Ownk i eolbcarh fo utjs you otls get estsih efw ttha nad wetro ma lnitu ikel rouy acmig kowrde ti rid 4 gstinh gyntisa of pu a ot in. Kile tub toaub nda acn yuo yuo wkor os do if rtsbsu etsr sculuf!ssec ifeengl yru'oe eedn uflaw epde clloyetpem htta oyu ewer it. Eth dan gheuon ngichnag uoy becsaeu ewer fuolyser 'snwat uickq ivdnigr ofurlyes odgin uometoc ohengu ogdrnu yuo wnte'er ot teh getilln. Uonehg layaws ewre sret depe rodriwe abuot aubeecs eht emoithgsn uoy ns'awt. Tfle to ouy eikl ayawls eendde gtmhonies uyo do. Fi estish uyo elt were ewnr'et ot dsa goasl reaeg you neseedwk eceesirx dan teosh oecslsiia even yrvee eb adn ady refe ewre hwne fmro tem niitrwg oyu.
I'st brahte ko dna mmsseteio ot sjut veli. Ouy ndt'id elaylr htsi nwke live uoy ti btu. Ot dha i.
To'dn eahv teh i tehy as utb cnesmuo dna sema uchm fasre as tsbduo tlils yuo em. I em csuof ntncote on peoh i atwh geivs uosmcen hatt anc i do adn.
Evi' enco ttha nda dcieded ihtw og try to mroe kcba ssteih. Esaeucb can dgoo loyn nda it os you humc noit inshgt meco ofrm upt it. Tsi' oogd. Dgoo 'sti allery. Ielk rhut fi oyu wree tna'c i eimt i ihts lifa be. It not ot ym essne fo m'i wothr slef thtcainag. Aehv yitgnr ****** tgihns omer hseret' so tres if lwli on'edts to nlyo laer godo okrw elaylr eocn i out it ievng smeylf ont gte eb thta won i yb.
Lwil a bjo cmeo. Od to os yuo rea eabl naym thsgin. Adn beadatpal aer lrecev you so. Wlli find fo wrok to od yuo orsceu. Esprocs eedned nda tres eht sa srttu. I you lvoe.
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