A letter from July 5th, 2025

Dear FutureMe, it's me from a year ago again, I know I might sound different, but that depends on if you surrounded yourself with a bunch of people to fit in, again. I'm getting older and I just wish someone had told me I'd be doing this by myself. In the past year I've learned so much about people, I thought I did the year before that but I was wrong, so wrong that I ended up destroying my reputation with a lot of people, the exact thing I tried not to do after all I'd learned. Now I believe I've come to the conclusion that after all the trauma (kinda dramatic lol😭) that I don't think I ever wanna trust anyone ever again, every time I try and open up to somebody they somehow end up using that information against me, any time it benefits them! I mean stuff that I told my "friend" like two years ago, I fear she might bring it up now because somebody might ask her, or the conversation just happens to be about me (doubt it) and she just tells them everything. IM SO SICK of people who just disregard your boundaries after you've made it VERY clear that's not okay. There is nobody and I mean nobody that you can trust. I know it all sounds very dramatic and kinda edgy but I'm so serious rn it's not even funny. Like I have tried to open up and fit in and convince myself that people are fine, just be yourself, as if I hadn't learned my lesson from the last time. I'm not a very attractive person, or a person with a lot of money so I don't know I feel as if I'm worthless to these people, I'm just some unlikable kid who people only talk to when they are bored or need something. In the last like two months of the school year, I was at an all time low, the loniless I felt at that time couldn't compare to anything I've ever felt in my life, I was all alone everyday, I had absolutely nobody to talk to, my only real friend doesn't even go to my school, and if he somehow learned about all the stuff I so recklessly let spill out of my mouth, I'm sure he would never wanna speak to me again. But anyway, as I was saying, school has 7 periods, I had absolutely nobody to talk to in any of them, by second period I wanted to go home, I didn't wanna believe that I was depressed but after further understanding of my past I can now admit it, which was a hard bullet to bite for me, because I never wanted to appear hurt, or ever play the victim card, I needed to be strong, and strength like that required crying into a pillow with nobody to ask how you are or how your feeling day in and day out. Nobody ever actually understood me, my "friends" just kinda slapped these labels on me as if they understood my situation or how I was doing. Another lesson yet to learn though right, people only believe what they wanna believe so don't waste your breathing trying to prove otherwise. At lunch my "friends" would all go to the cafeteria together, only few would stay and it was either to ask so I could hold something or if they wanted to know where the others were. There's so many moments I could get into that truly made me remember I have absolutely nobody, but I won't cuz that's too repetitive and you're the only person I know that truly understands me. All I know is I'm going to change this time, not for them, but for me, I don't wanna open up to anybody at all, which makes me a little bittersweet, I'll never have to deal with anybody's fakeness ever again but it will get lonely and I know that, but you can't force people in, you can only force them out. Alright bye,
(these random letters are cuz I was typing on my phone and I think it's bugged to where you can't see the bottom of your text)ndbcjsjxbwnsnxndnsjxjjxjsjwjsbwbwjjwjsjshshsjsjswj