A letter from May 08, 2025

Dear Cass, happy 18th birthday, self. 'di ka na minor, pde na makulongg (bata pa po 'ko angkol jok lg) ANYWAYS, I'm proud of us for surviving this far !!!!!! Kamusta birthday mo? I hope it turned out great. I have lots to say, but first, i want to mention our inner child— for surviving the horrors, and doing her best to survive. We could never be here without her. I still carry her with me. But i know, that we have alot to work on, still !! I know you are trying everything you could to be alive. It's okay. And that's okay. I'll support you no matter what your decision would be. I just want you to know, i will be okay wherever you go. You will still be the little kid who brings out the smile in others, where every room is filled with laughter; the one who make jokes just to lighten the mood. I love you. I am not mad at you and i dont think our old selves would even get angry at you, because i know you have suffered long enough. Cheesy as it may sound but who the **** cares? No one can read this but only you. I'm sorry we had to go through this; we had never anticipated that every circumstance we had ever faced would alter our lives. (I had to search the word alter kasi baka mali yung nalagay ko JWHAHs may tama aquh) hindi natin sila bati. hindi natin bati sila mama at papa. hindi natin bati si ate. So it's okay. It's okay to grieve the past, and what should've happened; for all the what-if's, and the people whom we've met along our journey but had become a memory. You will be fine, but for now, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel them. I know that we both know, and the universe knows that we can only live the moment once. I hope you get the peace that you've always yearned for; i am not encouraging you to do it. Rather, I'm hoping you'll cling on. Hang on. Please, hold on— in a life full of uncertainties, miracles DO happen. You only get what you THINK you deserve. Do you truly want it? Or do you fear what tomorrow may bring, so it's the only option you know? I love us. no matter how difficult life gets, we will be okay. I hope you'll be able to choose what's best for us. (If u cjose that option, u better make sure you're literally X_X CUZ THE BILLS CAN BE HIGH, mama aint *** be able to pay your RENT) I just want you to know, that i will be here for you. It's okay to chose a road where no one has walked on, buut you should know that you need to work smart than harder. we used to please people alot. But, right after we graduated high school, i have lost my personality when I've learned that I'm not just 'nice'. I'm not a girl's girl, nor a feminist but a normal being with flaws. I felt lost when my personality crumbled, i kinda felt relieved, the fact that i can be who i want to be, though it might take some time; I've still yet to find who i am. For nowww, enjoy youuurrr dayyyy being 18 !!!! FORGET ALL OF THOSE STUFFS IN THE MEAN TIME AND HAVE SOME FUNN : DD ps. I hope you find someone who'll cherish you, AND COMEON GIRLL??? WHY DO YOU STILL MISS THAT FOKEN TRASH WHO TOYED WITH YOU FOR LIEK A YEAR AND WHAT?? JUST GOR A SIGUATIONSHIP??? BRO THAT'S LIKE 3 YEARS AGO (he groomed you..) BUT ykno, i cant be mad cuz he has treated you better than your family, theu didn't even know you've gone through a hella breakdowns cuz of em, and had tried to unalive yourself ellelmao pps. I will always, always be proud of you, i love you. You are loved by every version of you, so when you feel like you dont have it all 2gether; you have me, us. Happy eighteenth birthday, self. I will be okay, and so will you : ) your seventeen year old self, cass : )