A letter from Apr 19, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Have you ever wondered what would your previous versions have done in your stead today if you continued to live like those versions? When do you notice you've really transitioned to different versions yearly? Or do you even notice that? For sure I couldn't even notice the improvements I would make everyday. I always felt denying them until I reach a few yrs or a decade to realize them really. 3 years ago on this same day I felt really down about myself. I thought I wouldn't make it to December in that year. I continued the school reqs with the same sad feeling that felt like forever until the summer semester. Then I finally gave up for a while. I was thinking at that time if only I was like my previous self, I would have aced those. And then during the time I gave up, I was thinking at that time if only I was like my previous self just few weeks ago, I wouldn't have given up. Finally, today, I've been thinking if only I am like my hs self, I wouldn't let myself get the depressing letter grades and I would live alright with Bs and As. But I can't help myself letting myself let those things happen. Sometimes I wish my crazy and annoyingly loud and joyful self before would pick me up today from this barrel. I blamed it on everything and everyone I could think of until I forgot what I was really angry and sad at. I can't pin point it even today. Maybe my mind has kept it hidden deep until whichever time it decides to resurface. When will it be tho? Are those versions really transitions or compounds of learnings from things that I was traumatized or deeply affected in depressed way with? Or are they just the same, Mickey 17? I wonder what's my new thought process by the time I receive this letter.