A letter from December 8th, 2023

Dear Erin,
So yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of losing my first baby and I completely forgot about it, I didn't realise until early this morning and I feel terrible about it. I feel guilty for moving on and feel sadness for my past self who grieved so much and went through so much shame, it feels disrespectful to her to have forgotten about something that kept her awake crying at night for months. Then on the other hand, I have grieved enough, this terrible thing that happened 7 years ago isn't as painful as it used to be because I have so much more love in my life now, three gorgeous kids and I will always thank the one that made me realise I was supposed to be a mother. What could've been still floats in my mind sometimes but without that loss there is no Noah, no Micah and no Matteo and that's a life I don't want to know. I will always cherish those short three months where I planned my new life with my new baby, it wasn't meant to be and that's okay.