A letter from May 18th, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Times have been tough, but you are strong. You have learned the power of the present, and that it possesses more power than any other element of time. For as long as you recognise your thoughts are a product of your mind, not yourself, you shall grow in confidence. It’s remarkable how much you have changed, and how much you will continue to change - especially as I have become a completely new person within only a couple of months. It’s amazing what pain does to a person, and it’s amazing that I have finally come to see my pain as a gift - a mould. It’s made me who I am now. I have my maths GCSE tomorrow, I haven’t revised as much as I should have. However, I like to remember my priorities. Instead of revising, I talked to my brother. To me, my relationships are worth more than a grade on a piece of paper. It’s so easy to forget that when people have it drilled into their heads that they need to work to live, but are you really living when all you do it work? I know people will tell you that you are stupid and crazy, they already have, but that’s only because they see your strength. They envy how you perceive the world. They’re angry that you have what they don’t - happiness. It was hard to achieve, but you managed. You let go of blaming, self-pity and your strange addiction to sadness, clinging onto it like it was your identity - all you had. Now that I am 16, I feel as though I’ve learned enough about the world to say that most of the things people obsess over, are the very things that hold the least meaning. Ask yourself every night what possesses most of your time, and whether or not it is worth it. Is it worth spending hours with ‘friends’ that tell you to “go **** yourself” or leave you for another person like you’re nothing? Nobody values time anymore, they waste it on even the smallest of things: queuing, people who provide them no value, procrastinating etc. Yet, people happily trade their time for money - but time is more valuable than money; it’s an unfair trade. If everyone else does it, don’t do it. Remember to do what you told yourself you would do, despite others telling you it’s stupid, it won’t work, or you’re being delusional. For as long as you know you are capable of achieving it, the opinions of others can diminish before it even enters your eardrums. Trust sparingly and love abundantly. You are probably in college by now. Having been to an only girls’ school my entire life, I suppose it will be weird mingling with boys. I know you have always dreaded the concept of a relationship after seeing the despair it trailed along the family after the divorce, but you live once. Learn from your parents, learn from yourself, and do what you want to do. A mistake is only a mistake if you didn’t learn from it. As you know, the greatest pains bring the greatest happiness. Remember to check up on that page you wrote where you set your boundaries and the qualities you require in a person for a high-value relationship. This will help you to differentiate the good friends from the fake ones. Remember that you are always changing and growing as an individual - don’t stay with people who don’t change with you (for the better, of course). If ever you feel lost, reread The Power of Now. Don’t lose yourself in your thoughts, you’ve been down that trap before. Do not be too strict on yourself either, a short leash is bound to snap. I know that you feel lost because you struggle to find people like you - but do you really look? Are you really trying? I know you struggle with social anxiety, and use that as an excuse not to speak up. However, is keeping quiet really worth it when others destroy your boundaries? As soon as you are able to identify your worth, your fear will go. Being shy is not a trait, but a fear. Fears hold you down, and you know that - you’ve felt it and seen it. When you look back, you always regret not speaking up. Do it. As for your weird obsession with philosophy and the human consciousness, write a book about it. You said you would write a book years ago, but have you even started? Waiting is a habit, a cruel habit. Start now if you haven’t already… and FINISH IT!! The things that matter to me most are: time, relationships and the mind. But, when I speak of the mind, I speak of it as a separate entity - a tool. Use it wisely and consciously. Always value these three things, they are like the CO2, the water and the light for a plant (sorry, been revising for biology too much). This world is falling apart, but why does that matter if you are strong? Rebuild it. Rewrite the educational system. Rewrite the pharmaceutical industry. Rewrite self-helps books. Teach people to see the world in your eyes, and then suffering will abate with inner peace as it’s bane. Continue to wake up at 5:30, do yoga in the morning, go for long walks, workout, eat healthy, respect your body, care for your skin, cut your nails and wear nice clothes. You’ve struggled with self-care for so long that showering became a task, and waking up each morning was a trauma. Rewrite that too. What you’re not changing, you’re choosing. All the things that are currently upsetting you, can you change it? If you can’t, leave it or accept it. It’s funny how surrendering has always been considered a weakness, but it’s surrendering that ends wars. Nothing else ends wars, otherwise they could continue for eternity; even if the opposing thing or person dies, they’re surrendering their existence (in the physical world), are they not? Surrender. Let go. Value relationships (in other words, love), time and the mind. Respect your body. Respect your boundaries. Rewrite all that’s miswritten. Change what you do not choose. Learn to prioritise and leave nothing to waste. Continue your morning routines. Build healthy habits. In this conclusion, I have written the very equation for happiness - to you. I know you won’t forget it, but you may abandon it. Abandon it for nothing and no one, you deserve happiness, as does everyone else. What else did I want to say? Hmm. Keep your room tidy. Hug your mother, forgive your father and care for your brother. Appreciate your friends, some won’t last and that’s ok. You already possess everything you need, stop looking externally and searching for fulfilment because you are already complete but you’re just not using all your pieces - hence the feeling of incompleteness. Wake up a little more than you did yesterday. Keep waking up. I love you as you are, and others should too, Past Me Xxxxxxx ❤️