A letter from May 18th, 2023

Themba L. Ndlovu This is a future dated letter. As crazy as it seems, I needed to send this. At the point in which I’m typing this, everything is messed up. We’ve hurt each other. In the last month, you have broken me in a way I didn’t think was possible. I loved you. Oh I LOVED you. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I was willing to fight for you. I was willing to wait for you even when I knew you would hurt me but I knew it was going to be worth it. You were my perfect man with imperfect timing and intentions but I knew from day one that I wanted you. I didn’t care what it took, how long it took, I just knew that I wanted you. By the time you get this I’ll probably be a distant memory for you. But I’ll also be healed from all the pain and brokenness. You taught me that it’s okay to give yourself to someone fully but just make sure you’re not giving yourself to the wrong person. You taught me what love is not supposed to be. You taught me that I was broken and needed to fix myself. You showed me what a man who doesn’t care looks like and how easily he can manipulate you if you’re not careful and you don’t know yourself. There are days I still miss you and all I do, is think about the pain and how much work I’ve done to heal. Doing the work to get you out of my mind and system was exhausting mainly because I didn’t want to do the work, I kept hoping and wishing you would call me to tell me you love me and wanted us to work through things. I cried some days because I missed you and needed you not as a friend but as a boyfriend. Fortunately for both of us the baby thing never happened. Although I was disappointed because I wanted a child back then. You still hold a place in my heart as the man I prayed for but never got. The man whose potential had me up praying and hoping you would see that we could make it work. The man I begged God to change so we could be happy and get married and have children and build a legacy together. Unfortunately we don’t always get what we want when we want it. Anyway Happy Birthday Ndlovu. Choicest blessings to you.