A letter from Apr 28, 2023

Now I just have a combination of emotions which are really can't control. I've been thinking about changing my major because some professor told me so please stop I feel like I'm not sure about anything because as you know I have many hobbies and I am good at all of them so for a month I was thinking about this (changing my major) they really had a very difficult time that I lost weight and I did bad at my second exams. I wasn't sure about who I am and what I want to do and what I need to do am I right in the right place? This were the questions that I had and I couldn't find any answer for them. I don't know how, but yesterday and somehow I had the courage to tell my father before telling my mother about changing the major! It was my first time in my life time my father before telling my mother. I thought it was kind of Brave because I'm always afraid of my father and nervous, but yesterday I did it I told him before Mother! My mother just now today about that and my father the one who told her. She was surprised so much she even came to talk to me she convinced me that I am at the right place and it just my hobbies and I am just intelligistic person and I don't have to be worried about all of these things. It's good to be illiterate not only to know how to read and write but also to have other skills that can help you out in the word today. To be honest, after I told Dad yesterday I felt more nervous and I wish he what refuse my request cuz I remembered my promise to the professor Ayman and I told myself if he refused my request, it will be a sign that [ him ] and I are destinied! I have the finals would be better and I do better since I messed up everything in the second exams. Some I should tell myself that I am that person who should be more confident about herself but as an intj it's hard because we overthink everything. He is an estp entrepreneur. I can see him everywhere and everything can remind me of him why? Everyone just hate him and I should too, but why do I like him? I think my heart is controlling me and I don't like it I should be more rational I don't like being emotional I've always been rational but now I'm emotional I hate it. They say follow your heart but don't forget to bring your mine too. That day him and I we're wearing new clothes and you were stunning and attractive that everyone knows that. My friends told me that him and I are wearing new clothes and we look like a match. Everything like I don't know but I know that they (I mean my friends or colleagues especially Aya and Raghad) think we put on good match. But they don't want to show that off because they know if they do I will scold them for that! But I don't ignore the fact that we look maybe good together but please Basmalah focus more on your studies, your life and yourself cuz you worth it. I mean writing many letters for My Future Self but this one is kind of I don't know it just I use Al technique and I don't know what to say but I think this letter is a special and unique. If you read it I wish you are more relaxed now and I'm really curious about you. Does your father still check regularly on you? Does he still give you that suffocating feeling? I'm curious about how you live, what you wear and what you are looking forward. I should tell myself this. I am a confident person who is now 19 years old and has a good shaped body and has many aims and goals for the future. I am good at learning languages but I prefer English I started learning Korean and 2020 and it was a good experience and learned a lot. Through learning Korean language and being part of the kdrama and kpop culture, I improved my English skills through Namjoon's inspirational speechs and that was my favorite part. I am good and editing and doing Photoshop. I like psychology and I can analysis people's personalities and that's helped me a lot for communicating with people. I jumped into different cultures and the Learned many things and I am good at all that things and that caused me trust issues and a lack of self-confident Alas. This period Or term of my life was the most difficult since I was born, but it also taught me many things. I try to seize the moment every time I had it. Dear myself please look after you well and remember that we are brave enough to deal with all our problems and issues we can overcome all of these hardships and crisis. And one more point, I'm so proud of you so far and well tell cherish for you cuz you deserve love and attention. I love you and I hope you're doing fine now bye 2024. I'd rather say see you soon then saying goodbye so see you soon my precious diamond.