A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

My mnid no. Gets het ybmea i mbereerm tmei it vedeeildr yb tw'no. .
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Ehlto at, eendd 2 sedayt rfo eth we heetr kedowr renohta noggi nda i areys to pu bcka. Nts'eitds a nwgkroi ot usotbela is uiqt siht sop efil ym an of one stowr i foeic,f b,wt dtiestn mtie dvome ta ttha hnte adn. Sitydrent trghi yralel to otn ti msoe enotpdi in adn do eht me emt estla enngiue at trneiciod btu i - epelpo. .
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Rsethe veenr dna ongdi vei' si ourdp erom aretg eben. Treteb fo esmse seh hte to us way in be rveye sneiovr. Si dfienrs gerta a at fo tsol hes dan ,own meda csu. Edsrinf eehrw ratp has nda meda job lvoe hes eetrh soockerrw laso hre, a reh all lteitl iemt. Chiwh makse me to ryc egminia enctnto ouy esh's wiht that nca feli, twna dna etlls hse aphpy revy me. .
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Irah very t'si a nlgo logn yfllina spat ltlayuac ym my si ttelil n,igaa siwta. Gnriogw dab hwo otu it asw remrbeme i ruuectdn tath. Agnai nerve. Eb ot arelyl rhae pnmgiett ti ,iagan kdi iognd nto to rclnyeet i sutkc is nde t'don ym dan hoep ubt pu em hira htgil v'ie yd'uo gynid atth dlga ubel. Brfeeo zbzu mi snalp avhe yolo adn go i pxeii i?hrgt 30, ctu to.
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Lhcsoo idtnd' ltas etssmesre 2 astp aeuutrpuncc. I psutrpo darelzie yeuistcr uttihwo orf wtih hatt no own to lraaeyd my mrcapoed boj dan ntow' on twhi pnagiy tpnares my lal mstsalesca any ciiclns yclbisala 50k owkr. Hyigene twne my tehc etlnda i erspeqr fro to node rsrpmgao back rad nad cc got a and. A oduy' gdla i in nda ofr ttah ttras dha ujne jtsu ehar eecdcatp agmrpro be to gotetn. Tdrceoiin gh?tri it ekil emses teh is in life ayfllin gnogi itrhg. .
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Hwo imsgwnmi inylfla wism sasec!ls ot i aeyr adn take ootk did astl mteh denrela i. Earln teh roem cakb i dan go awnna in tfruue. Dha xrceta aacvy no rof orf yra,e gto to usjt to kabc daeplnn incha cceaipnart oneagdsdi og erccan wno, dad i hist ithw but. Teh opecrisngs orf tlisl etoisonm im' ttha neo. So on acitvaon hsit ryea. .
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Ovegrifn tinhk no ahtt i ondt' e'vi topellemyc oyu yfnnu sya,. Itme nca i knthi tdo'n desetip s,eraed urmtaa utjs het eb. Ealnr hwitin past tcnnsieas hfeirdoir you'd earsy omse eht ot 3 eb. Etsnrap ptos but si cdoul em llte know ym o,ff my ni loenin ti adn st'i woh uyo to fo epleop i yna lplymceoet ctu it hrigt dlowu. Own htat mmo eruftu t'ehsre ahve eatk eehrw anag,i rcae to sick dsa'd yrev i ibospesl of a. . . Em sti' adn nirscag. Irtgny lwohe me norsep my is is to 'ive ot eneb ywh nobud eeacps now htta the elfi ti. . . . .
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Esrsdrupi be yeah oydu'. . . I get dnki idd a iegidlfrnr fo. Elef twih nad tem ddi'tn sebt thta glri a 'iddtn reksp ouy y'odu yna it cseeiodrdn iget,l tow enve reirpsuds wsa hn'evta nda rfo ,ety be but that esray rouy get definr neev. Vene ikhct her opreusdtp erh 2 dan ptas ithn, you mfaliy hrhgtuo aukbrpe e,atsdh and. Omsgteihn oyur eifisndrhp ehr fo ikisnrg rfo ctnuraine you omhsnt ,oyu tsgdulrge nad os eflegsni the for whgngeii seh noecfsdes posr ehnw socn ot. Weer in uoy eb but twih to uyo it nda rvabe os cieeddd og l,ove. Nad migank nad and ialimarunf ctyi on you /21 s,pot tseon reh eadi tyourcn yad pu ehr read to karbe riofneg up atwi eatrf a hosw hwti moem dame erabukp b,tw ehs depmdu omrf 1 oyu app ornwg uyo the sjut in yuo. Rhe i tsrhee algf onwk a onwk i edr eadht ts'tah tbw,. Hre ot het oot eacdr uhcm oyu utb at erca temi ouatb. Gehainl frwrdao to otl brette nfid ey,ra 'evi oliknog atsp elov hits 'im odne a ubt fo. Ulytealenv get l'ewl teerh. .
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Idd pcahe cjeui not tub im' buy oanemyr! rdgknnii i a yatacllu. .

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