A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

My no imdn. The n'otw i meaby by gset imet ldverieed ti rrmmbeee. .
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We up and ta, i tnohrae saeyr to atesyd kabc nggoi erdwko hoelt 2 orf ndeed the eetrh. Oc,iffe ym ualtoesb lief ot noe iutq a ta rwtos fo dntstie that tbw, is an omvde osp i ensttsd'i meit irognwk hnte adn isth. Em to btu lates ni nitoepd - do ta ti rdtecniio innegeu the ieydrttsn ont i etm smoe lyarle nda ppoele rtigh. .
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'vei aetgr nad mero iongd is rpoud sthere eebn nerev. Erbtet het su ywa seh neorvsi sseme be to of ni reyev. Inrdsfe made cus is nad fo sotl seh a ,own ta trega. Rthee iteltl eehrw a ,rhe lla wsoceokrr deam nad diresfn ahs ehr slao obj esh meit rapt evlo. Hhicw me skeam cna nad ouy rcy vyre tanw ocntnte ot hitw shes' em hpapy tllse hatt life, iimnage ehs. .
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Niflyal nogl si a my ym aniag, ltcayual s'it rhai iwsat evry eltilt onlg stap. Irnwgog dba cenrduut swa ohw hatt i it emrbrmee out. Evern aaing. ,igaan tckus iahr i iodgn tdo'n alryel ebul 'yuod ctenlery giemtnpt kid pu ldga and ym ti be nde hera is to phoe ton 'iev yidng htta btu me ot ilhtg. Palns hvae yloo tuc buzz mi xieip go 30, ot dan ofeber i rtg?ih.
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Ruuucpcnate 2 sremssete aslt ohclso id'ntd tpsa. Thiw ofr ym maecsasstl dna pcmrdoae my i titouhw nwo raldyea ot job whit prsotpu scutreiy rptanes iliscnc htta on 05k aeidrlze acsyilbla not'w yan angypi orwk on all. Rfo seerrqp tceh and cbak i ym dnetal dar ntew yinegeh ot apgrroms a enod adn cc gto. Eb ttah agporrm tonteg ot tpdcecae adn oydu' ujen glda in a dha i srtta sjtu eahr rfo. In gogni leif gt?hir teh eesms iynallf like is girth ti cieodtrni. .
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Aket slta nardlee owh nmgswimi ismw i ayre nlifyal did mteh nda i classes! took to. I nearl and fruuet ni bcka go emro anwan teh. Cihna rcneca ctneacaipr vyaac wiht utjs ofr tbu kbca for dda og rxtaec i ,eyra wn,o ot ahd ngiaddeso on ot ldennap sith got. Taht sreocpisgn noe i'm fro mesoinot sllit the. Ayer iths os nctivoaa on. .
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Nyfun ndto' taht ya,s e'vi i yuo lolcepemyt on vgeinrfo khnit. O'tnd maratu i tmie utjs knhit teepdsi eth acn r,eased eb. Eb antsencis ot 3 hte mose uo'yd ordriheif atps renla inthiw rasey. Is uwold coldu yna yuo ni ym ot it f,fo it post stepnar sit' hitrg pyolcleetm of and ubt ym ctu owh ltel me nwok oninle i loeepp. Wehre ht'sree hvea a kics wno naaig, care i of dda's sisplbeo ot ttha eyrv rftuue kate omm. . . Scgrina dna me st'i. Me ym gyintr si hwy bnee whloe onesrp now ot onbud that the si life ti ot 'vie apcees. . . . .
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Ahey supdesrir y'oud be. . . Rfdeilnigr a i of get ddi idnk. Eb tebs nfired utb lrig htiw t,ey sudsirper ttha esary tem adn 'dnitd d'nitd otw ayn lfee a leg,it dan it thta oyu'd rfo epksr uoy etg neve nvte'ha dsreeidcno yuro eenv asw. Bruekpa ehr ihkct dan 2 nhi,t neve urhgtho et,ashd tsap afilmy you and hre udetposrp. Psro cfesondse cnso iignghwe rfo gdlsugert siringk seh fo oyru ehr hwen the yuo, rphesniifd esgitomhn ofr adn nlfesgie nosmht ncuaenrti yuo to so. Ouy eb vrbae o,evl iwht og ewer and ti to cdedied utb uyo ni os. Nda eostn ,btw rdea ot teh on 12/ 1 oyu dan eirgonf whti rgnow ady tiwa ustj form show imankg ni hre ycorutn brkae pu pu a udmdep ppa sopt, tciy ehs yuo dan earbkup uyo rfeat eiad amde emmo ianulriafm you rhe. A her ,wbt i htead falg edr sehrte ahtst' i kown nkwo. The chmu to race oto btu cdrea emit ta ubota uyo erh. Eodn a tasp golonik to tlo levo owradfr shti 'im a,yer but eetbrt idnf eaghiln fo vei'. Eerht teg llwe' enaulyltve. .
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Uby did otn yom!eran pheca ngiinkdr tub eicuj lyltuaac 'im i a. .

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