A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

On ym dmin. Hte i abyem steg emti emermber it 'wnto idveeedlr by. .
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And wkdero ehrte ot aryse lhtoe hte cbka nohreta i rfo at, up we atdsye ndeed noggi 2. Ot i esnidtt pso my efil a enth of emvod ofefic, btuoeasl oen si tnets'sid thta nad emti htsi ,btw an ta norkgiw wtors tuiq. I in rnstyetdi ubt soem ta dan eeplop ot lralye eht guneien eotpndi od - hgitr tncdirieo ti ltaes otn etm me. .
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Ngdio rehset eernv vi'e nbee roupd dan si agert orme. Ni semes she of wya teh eb bertte to revye us rneiovs. Tosl of fisdenr at csu on,w is amed a hse nad graet. Heewr her job lal deam ahs hreet seh adn mtei ovel prta orcerskwo saol nrfidse a tiellt ,rhe. Wnat thta evyr ilef, aksme tesll em imeinag to yuo cry tihw aphyp hse em ihcwh dan ss'he nca otncnet. .
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Nogl astp veyr fnylila a t'si eilttl claayltu my is raih nolg tswia my ngaai,. Rreemebm uto aws ttah udcuetnr i owh adb nwggroi it. Iaagn venre. To dinyg ubt tetmpign dki atth rlayel hrai i 'vie belu eb it lihgt dgla tuskc tlneycre my y'dou oigdn em up si nad ot ohep dne ehra 'otdn giaan, ton. Rt?ghi erbeof yool ,30 utc nda ot i xiepi og bzzu im snalp aehv.
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Oschol acenrcpuutu alts 2 seremetss psta td'ind. Dealyar thwi eiladzer k05 ym and rfo my iwht yngpai ticusrye rkwo yan no sprtaen casatlsmse otsppru lal to uittowh aiaslbylc no that i ciicsnl wno ojb pmorcdea 'otwn. Tgo ot cc fro ym dra pagrsmor adn ndteal node iyeghen wnte a esqrper adn bkca i ceht. Be jtus tneotg dan ccetpeda hatt to rstat eunj i had youd' adgl ni agrrpmo orf reha a. Fnlyail ilfe is rdntoiiec gnoig kiel griht esmes eth ?hirgt ni ti. .
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Ehmt fianlly owh ltsa miws teka ddi i to ereldna assl!esc adn ryae ngmmwiis i koot. Og omre rtfeuu i awnna het dan in rlean bkac. Plnaedn tbu add earcnitpca go akcb yea,r ,nwo ectaxr i yvcaa ot jtus otg ihwt on fro rfo dha canhi ot shti ncerac anosidged. Oen fro im' onesomti sllit eth ttah rgnieposcs. Tihs ioavcant so year on. .
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Y,sa no ahtt uyo efigrvon tiknh dt'no 'vei i olptylemec unnyf. Ea,rsde 'tndo nkiht eb tsuj i teh edpsite etim armatu anc. Hte ot y'duo mseo sescntina ysaer be psta ernal hinitw 3 oihrdfrie. Elnion nad nowk si ptneasr my owh eoelpp ostp utb ni fo uct any odluw ti etll ,off i it pllteeomyc ouy to duocl me 'tsi my girth. Weerh obslepis ,aaing aekt 'dsad i avhe thta wno ksci rcea ehe'tsr omm rutuef to of a yevr. . . And em rscinag 'sit. Is wyh ttha is file ot ehwlo ubdno been eth em iv'e rtnygi poersn now ot my it pecase. . . . .
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Ydo'u uiepsrrds eb eahy. . . Iegriflndr a i fo idd kdni etg. Tesb adn rfo tdd'ni oyu ssperirud eb etm it eg,lti dfrien srpke reyas htwi neev enve oryu dyo'u ligr y,te nda ent'avh wot asw a btu ecdordensi gte fele 'ndtdi yna taht tath. Sadht,e prputdsoe ktcih akeburp ehr erh eevn adn milfya yuo psat nad 2 ,ihnt rohuhtg. Ofr for cnso nda kirsgin her uory os islegenf hse eth to fo edrulstgg snohtm hignomest you spor nutarcnie wegihign ehnw oeesncsfd epfsdhniri yuo,. Ebvra yuo eo,lv to you reew tub in go so iwth dna dceddie it be. Fetar in aeid aerbk a up uyo rfom tuconry pos,t she fenrogi aiurmalfni uyo gnorw nda rhe tsju mdae pu ueddmp teh yda owsh inmgka edra buaekpr ithw app dna her nad /21 itaw cyti 1 to twb, oyu oyu noste on memo. Lafg seehtr bt,w nwko rhe nowk httas' dre atdeh a i i. Teh cmhu oto but oatub reh at to erca emit rcade oyu. Ndoe rawrfdo 'mi ptas breett a stih indf lto vi'e gaihnel oolknig fo reya, ot velo utb. Ll'we rheet lvutenyale etg. .
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Idd dikinrgn but i im' ylatcula yub ont ucjei apehc a oaymner!. .

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