A letter from December 3rd, 2022

Dear FutureMe, How are you? I imagine crazy new things have happened by now, life is really crazy isn’t it? Right now you’re doing good i’d say. Your crush likes you back which is crazy and new for you, yet somehow, you’re still not sure. I have found that i’m scared and anxious at times, i’m not sure why though. Idk if it’s because i don’t like him enough, or if it’s because i don’t feel like i deserve to be loved… i really try to figure it out but i’m not sure. I like him yet i don’t know if it’s real or if i’m just fooling myself. On another note, i don’t talk to some of my friends here now. I’m sad about that and sometimes i get anxiety because of it. I hope you’re friends again, i really miss them and i think they don’t even know how much i do. The only thing that is going pretty great is school, but at what cost? My mental, physical and emotional well being? Is it worth it, i wonder at times yet i keep going. And through it all, what’s keeping me afloat is writing, good people, and being mindful and grateful for everything around me. The other day i went out to take a walk and buy something en la tienda que parece bar con mamá y sam. After we went to the park because i suggested it. There i saw some older men who were hanging out in the park along with their dogs, i saw a couple waking their dog together. That made me so happy out of nowhere, truly, the fact that they were doing something that is important to them and they enjoy after their long day of work; and them doing it together along with other people similar to them or even their s.o is so beautiful. I called it their little public secret, because they were hanging out in public, anyone can observe them yet it’s secret; because most people don’t take a moment to contemplate the scene and so they don’t know. For some reason i love that and it made me so happy. Made me realize that we’re so small in a world filled with beauty and there’s so many people with different histories and if we take a moment to stop worrying and thinking about ourselves we’ll see them and suddenly we won’t be the center of the world, we’ll become an observer an admirer of other’s natural beauty. I hope you’re doing really great, t. I hope you can say with confidence that you’re happy and satisfied. I love you, truly. Written with love and while in the car in the traffic on our way to a colibrí place or something, yourself 🤎. ps. the context of the photo: yesterday while finishing a long Humanidades protect you were reliving your childhood and rewatching Grachi and Isa Tkm 😋