A letter from November 21st, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hello love. It’s the 21st and it feels like life is suuuper up my ***. But who’s handling it? You :) you’ve done so amazing the past year, I couldn’t be more proud. We’re finally talking to our mom and getting to know her well enough to realize how much we missed out on when we hated her. She’s getting her neck surgery in a couple of weeks… I can’t help but think of the worst possible outcome. I love my mom. Also, we’re finally reaching ourself how to love us! I hope you still do!! We’re learning correct hygiene, correct routines day and night, and we even say “I love you” in the mirror. The one thing we haven’t been able to do for YEARS. I’m so proud of myself, I never thought I would be. We’re almost done with college baby!! Hopefully, actually lmao. I’m thinking of going into psychology after I finish this vet certificate. Did we do it? Did we go to UCCS and fulfill our love for the human brain?? If not that’s okay! I know how worried you were, I mean, I’m petrified so either choice would make me happy <3 We lost Starr over the summer. It broke us because we felt like we didn’t do enough for her :( but I know she was happy! We still have Tank but he’s slowly diminishing; he can barely hear and he’s going blind. He’s pretty fragile right now so I suspect he doesn’t have much time left. Same with Papa..his cognitive function is dying. Remember when he asked you where his spoon was and it was right in front of him even after you told him? It’s getting worse. I feel pain and guilt when I think about him… I wish I was able to get closer to him but I can’t find the time and our generation differences is slightly just too big. I love him though. How do we feel now? Is he gone? Have you grieved? Do you…regret..anything? Things to remember: -you and Chloe became friends again after a huge fight because she lied to you about living with Devan -you got a snack cabinet and a fridge :) -the Club Q shooting :( -the anime’s we watched -all the nights we drank with chloe -getting close to Cheyenne again! ***** crazy -that night we got drunk and went to the lake and found a stranger fishing and made friends with him and learn his whole life story -getting caught smoking by the police -the day an axe ******** fled towards the house from school! -meeting Reege :) -the night we got so high, looked in the mirror, and cried because you realized all you need to do is love yourself. -avengers -brining Athena to school (soon) -getting closer to mom while realizing your held dad on a pedestal for NO REASON -the day you cried to mom about your hygiene.. -that really cute person at Taco Bell that cried about life There’s so much more lol, but whatever. Hopefully you have the memory capacity for life. Did you ever get more tattoos? Is Chloe STILL always running to you for her aid? Did we get a new dog..? Was it difficult when people/animals passed? Did you pick a career yet dumbass? Are we happy? I finally understand that when people say “it gets better” they really mean it. In the past we couldn’t see it, but I know now that it does and I know that better exists for you because better exists for me right now. If you have no hope right now, know I have hope for both of us <3 I love you me. Take care of yourself.