A letter from Jun 19, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Ang sakit sakit saken ngayon na ang swerte swerte nya in a way na my hobby siya to keep his mind off of this things unlike na wala. I can’t believe na he’s moving forward perfectly while I’m still at the time and place where we separated. Natatakot ako na hindi na makaalis dito, knowing na minahal ko siya ng sobra and I really got attached to him. Yung mindset na if hindi siya, wag nalang. Ang hirap i take sa sarili ko na lesson lang siya sa life ko. Super cruel ng life para ipa experience sa akin to. Like imaginin mo hindi manlang kmi pinatagal kahit 3 days literal na 1 lang. Nahihirapan at natatakot din ako i-accept na he will find someone better than me someday and super dali ng meron sila like walang hindrance and problems. Like I wish we were like that too. Akala ko nga moved on and okay na ako but distracted lang pala ako from the pain until now miss ko pa rin sya, well 1 week pa lang naman nakalipas. Imagine last week ng sunday gantong time like 11 sumn tinapos nya meron samin. I hate 11pm na talaga. I hate the fact na sobrang bilis nya akong kinalimutan at iniwan. Never nya ako kayang panindigan, the more na narerealize ko yon the more na naiisip ko na an tanga tanga ko sa part na ung best pa rin sakanya ung nakikita ko. After destroying me, I’m still doing everything for him. Hoping he will look to me and come back to me. Loving him is beautiful and painful at the same time. I wish someday I can have someone like him. I know na I will meet other people pa and if ever sana yung mas better sakanya. Like we really vibed talaga and na feel ko sakanya ung comfortability na sa lahat ng ex ko hindi ko nagawa. Maybe ksi friends kmi beforehand, now we’re not even friends. We can’t be friends, guess strangers with memories. I hope the moment I’m reading this I’m finally moved on and well. I’m really scared rn because I know deep inside in myself na I’m slowly changing and losing what really I am. If ever din na makipag talk ako with other people I’m not familiar with I can’t open myself to them na agad agad. Natatakot ako na baka umulit nanaman. Promise ko din sa sarili ko na hindi muna ako papasok sa relationship ngayong year because I know it’s for the better and for myself. I’m exhausted na talaga. I just want to be my old self like doing something I love to do like make up and ***** for my self not for other people. I really miss my old fragile self but i don’t wanna go back to her since she’s so easy to fool with. Tignan mo ngayon nag pa ikot ka sa sweet and flowery gestures niya and nag pa uto ka. Ano nangyari sayo? You’re like a lost little girl. You don’t even know where to start again. I hate the fact that I’m changing and I’m still young af. I just want this to end na, i don’t want to be in this part of my life na. Gusto ko nalang maka move forward and dgaf to other people. I think I should distance myself to social media na. I will try to not talk to other people for months 💗. I love you, kc! You’re still young there’s so many things to look forward in life. You still got many years. You got this! You will get over him💗💗