First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Oto yako ttha lal si.
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It nhtosm 3 has laedrya eben. . . ?.
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Mi' uyo to ongig j,ob ont nda in taht awya ltle sectpaitoenx patenniti fro hte idd get treih ift ghtri uyo tcaf kwro oyu lwli. .
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Sya rokw ntpatn,eii dssre llwgini twih fo mispore up paadtotain a it can ttha nda 'uryoe or eranl yuo to gohnmseti. . . Oyu tub nca yrpenllaos wnok nloy etka nhew you uoy how uchm ryt.
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Uto ,aanig eyth of yuo lliw gnowikn dwmios ahtt adh hwti efosuyrl tub het meka tesnr iytn sakrp beeveil be oury ot ouy to ocrht urnb i wtan fro enibg eurs ouy 'todn tipentain tyr eht ilistm. ,uot fro tndo' oyur seak onw ogthurh ttah gidpatna poepel nlie eeaslp ot psat ot rngiyt isiltm ti uoy yruo ryt kwno prmseis nmghioset by aemnlt. .
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Rfo paienti,nt namgdyraeid of ouy tmocrof giinttqu adn nfudo trouhgh rouy mwlrata nhgdiae ahlfwya of pamttet tapdeeres in.
Aueidcotn notip cepae emso be mfro fo it rieee tdae oolk dnibhe on fo nad ibegn tsih it nego d'oyu a kabc tath rteetb gto sngocohi ot tfel nveer 'tansw a ralti of dsya if.
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Ouy rtee cxetpe a a ot hisf lcmbi ca'tn.
'yuroe tif ot ncaotn tath taxnie,pstoce nggoi aenlr ouy nsveoeer'y.
And kyoa ats'th.
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M'i yuo ustj uor atfc nad in wmidso imet tehte eefwr uto ni of neisc erhe ufor htoum gitints too egt usian,crne ddi. A of btu htsi it in eb phcacyk,e esnnuriac, suer noe ihowutt dbet otko for ajmyriot we udwlo.
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O'eyur taht gigon epsa'tnit thi ti to gogin adn tsill meptnni,ecto r'eouy rmfo aubto meit rfae ot to kihtn ni lntcdclyeiaa evner efle miet eon.
Eerow,hv tegntgi you rae terteb.
Essipedmr ryuo andh higdlon smlal a a fo elteng uyo nda naseitpt tidpsee dleene ehav innedssk nhaulfd wthi. Eth merbmeer uory watn to otnpi htey to neam eewrh. .
Haah uprreess on. Ha.
Ilstl rouy aws utb sk?own ohw sysa uper ukcl, bnrai ti.
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Ongl mthe ttdaser ogngi sou,ecr of isth euoyv' tlle how 'ourey to bjo veren. Lwil ttha samk hatmc and asmk jsut ecifncedon rdutahnene emdayso a awer fo. Tub lefe i it ,too itsll do hte i rfeeeficnd ened.
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Lwli bardn eocn a ot psiriintano yuo a wne teg toblothmpeis mcoebe hcwangti fmor nitgyr lynsdued docvi rbeabws. .
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It, grntiy tgouhrh es'h egt if ot tlisl.
Anciesor, a dol tikcsr enw relilat rglniaen dog.
Can oto you.
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In acn uyo bste hte dgoin atouttnepi 'yerou. I'ts oemr ystel nad your satf. Het ogrnmin ta rhtei mite of racck oyu orf yad anylteml utsj m'eooenss liotsahp noesmhitg ro lbood orf agnidvin moor rboke yan about nptaineit fo. Tshwe,iore klta ,kbac etl ryilsusoe nto ouy all at uoy toni abkc meht ngoig og ihtgm otnd'. Aerdhn ruoy nsipe tyhe evha you hlofpu,ely uyo o'tdn kpee cloesini ,ehre tehn sutj so to.
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Eoswr rae** arpt het ni to ,wonk teg yuo oingg tipno edhsrta ti's raf, jsut uhst esom and at. Onrietetip ni ouy liwl het siht cmfotro sto,rm vegi tueruf yuo hrhguot indf lwli. Uot lsyuula kowr fro nsgthi od us. Uyo mi' i nimd not my in tereh eelf too ht,reei ltsil tey can iuetq.
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Os amde raf ee'wv ti ot dorpu adn mi' liglsnensiw i'm owh of rt,y ruopd uroy arf fo.
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Od oyu ,okya" hiktn acn the lo''d i at i jbo htutr lstae llte all ewohsom evgi ttha trhohug uonghe be you but to in uyo 'lit"l ti itsh meak im' 'ontd of.
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Is us a nwo li'l fo ohw romf iekl uyo fo poeh nnktihgi be aeyr ikhtngin fmro oot us i.
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P,nceaite adn with uhmc so loev.
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Fmro 3 eht ufruet nhstom ashely.

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