A letter from Feb 2nd, 2022

Dear C, Today, February 2 of 2022, I discovered something unexpected. It was horrifying and traumatizing. It's something that happens in fictional stories that I've had read and didn't think would become my reality. I'm so sorry to you and to my younger self because something like this happened to our life. We didn't want to live in this kind of world, cruel, but we're someone's dream. Our family's dream. However, it seems to me that the dream that they once wished or wanted for themselves has now come to its worse. Can I unalive myself? I don't know. I am gripping on the thin branch of the tree, crying for help and barely living. Living is so hard but what keeps me going is the future that holds for us. I want to peek at it and see if something good will happen, something that will make me want to live more. If you're reading this, I hope that you're smiling, contented, happy, and free. I hope that you'll finally be free from pain. I hope you'll heal from all the pain. And lastly, I hope you won't be disappointed with what you have become. Living all the years without unliving yourself is already a success, I know you always have morbid thoughts but I know as well that every night you pray to God--to live. I know it's hard but please don't lose yourself. I love you.