A letter from Dec 22nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I think I'm getting better, I remember writting one of this letters a few moths ago (lik half a year more or less) but I don't remember when I set it to arribe. So here I am writting another one idk why in english since I'm spanish but okay. As I said I think, or I would like to think that I'm getting better. Momentaneous. Not long term. I mean, rn I'm good, I have a bff that loves me, my crush is kinda my friend and maybe she has feelings for me too idk, I've seen Spiderman NWH (amazing movie btw), my relationship with my parents is... well, doesn't suck, I tolerate them (not to much time) and I don't disgust them as much as I did. I'm sixteen, an aries, girl, bisexual, idk why I say that but yeah. Right now I'm really really grateful for my friends I think I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for them. AV that makes me laugh until I cry, and what I love most is when I make her laugh too, she looks so **** cute when she laughs at something I said. T for being there for me ans always without exception making me smile through a message or in person idc, and he makes my self esteem grow too, I truly believe he's my soulmate (maybe not in a romantic way but I belive we were meant to know eachother) CS for understanding me and be the kind of guy you can joke arroud but also he would catch my tears when crying C for making me see reality how it is and being honest about it, also for hyping me up with little things and saying things like "Maybe it's not that you can't fall in love, maybe you have a perception of love different from everyone's that when you see them you can't relate because what you feel is much more wonderful and intense that others feel. You can fall in love but you are afraid to discover that feelings and identifying them as yours, being vulnerable for once" D for giving me the best advice and being the most selfless person I know, J for making me have great times in parties A for simply being who she is and complement me, we are an iconic duo such as Cher and Dionne or Alya and Marinette. M she is that friend that you can not talk in ages but reunite and be like nothing happens, I've known her since we were 2 so we've seen eachother grow. I know I'm not sending a message to my future self from the past, I just wanted to explain how things are rn, Wednesday December 22, 2021. Something relevant of my life rn? Well one of my best friends fell in love with me and broke up with his girlfriend (they had been together for 4 years) and the worst part is that he cheated on her with me (we didn't **** I'm still a virgin :v ) but I don't like him and I'm starting to do with him what I do with all guys that fall in love with me. At first I'm like okya this is nice, but a few days pass by and I feel overwhelmed, like he's bothering me, and I start to push them away and dislike them, suddenly I find everything about that person annoying. I know that's kinda ****** but it always happens. Except for one guy (my bff T), I sort of fell in love with him and he fell too, but c'mon we're teenagers we werre so ******* scared because it was so real that we ended up being nothing while feeling everything, it wasn't even love, he said: when I'm with you I feel the same way that loking at the stars makes me feel. And I'm not the romantic cheesy type of girl but GURL- THAT MELTED ME. And now I look back (since this happened on summer) I I don't thinnk that what we had was love bc it was so intense, explosive and beautiful that there isn't word to descrive this feeling because LOVE wasn't enough. Also I have my first semester grades. I'm a Junior (US), here in Spain it's "1ro de bachillerato". I did well I think, I have a 7.5 "GPA" without studying for any exam. Some of my friends say I may be a "gifted" kid, I don't think so but it would be cool to know. Also I bought a new book called LORDE, me from the future, please tell me it was good. About my ED, I'm trying to get better, I really do, but something inside me feels disgust towards food whenever I have to eat. Rn my weight is 52.1 kg and I'm 1.57 cm tall. PD: I hope that when you are reading this you finally have a psychologist 'cause u need it girl :) (since now you're not going bc mom doesn't believe they actually work)