A letter from Nov 25th, 2021

HEY NADIA!, its me, ur younger self :) i just wanted to ask u abt how things are going rn with ur health and all. And if things got better in school. Because things havent been the best latley with school and i have alot of responsibelities and alot of pressure on me, like mom and dad expect me to have perfect grades and at the same time take care of myself and everyone around me and they do compare me to other kids sometimes, and it really hurts. I tried to open up to mom about the things and she just yelled at me and called me ungrateful, i really dont understand why mom treats me so different from my siblings. She just expects me to have no flaws, i really hate my life because of her, i even get scared when mom or dad call me and im always scared to go home, i dont know if being scared of ur own parents is normal but i do hope it is. And by the way mom has not stopped being like she is, she abuses me physically and mentally, even dad does it. Im really really really tired, i just want to go. I am even thinking about running away but im scared that mom and dad will beat me up and that they will take my stuff and give me no rights or freedom. And also ur big brother is still a *****, mom dosent care when hes being mean to me or when he hits me. She only cares when i try to stand up for myself, "have some respect for ur big brother" thats what she says, and yesterday she told me that im not like i was before, she says that im not behaving and that im just disrespectfull. "i miss the old u, when u used to listen and not disobey me all the time". But nothing changed with me, i just decided to stand up for myself more, thats all. Shes just mad that she cant control me anymore. As soon as i turn 17 im getting a plan move out and cut contact with everyone, i just really need it. I need a break from life, everything is way to much for me..... yesterday my dad was really trying to make me smile and laugh, but he has put me thru so much trauma that i just shut off around him. same with mom, i dont get that feeling when im around them anymore, its just empty. its so draining to be around them, they put me thru so much that i just hate them. I know im not supposed to but do u blame me? they are mean 99.9% of the time.. but that 1% makes me forgive them for almost everything. i have major attatchment issues and i hate it. i need a therapist or someone to talk to. im only 13, i dont deserve this.