A letter from Sep 16th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I tell myself that I like being alone, living for me only. But if I'm honest, sometimes it hurts a little. I'm the only one of my friends by themselves, never been kissed. And sometimes I really do have no desire to be in a relationship. But I just think it'd be nice to have someone, anyone, who likes me. I feel undesirable. I know that's not true. It doesn't feel that way though. And I do have self-love, truly, I do, but I still feel empty sometimes. When I hear a good song and wish I had someone to listen to it with, when the sky looks extra pretty, when everyone else has someone to talk about, to talk to. I'm scared I'll miss the age where a relationship can be filled with the innocence and bliss of knowing it won't last. "But then again, what's the point if it won't last?" That's what I've always told myself, to keep from caring. But I think I understand now, it's the special feeling of being known even when you don't know yourself. Being someone's number one when you aren't yours.