A letter from Sep 15th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Happy Birthday! Hope you have/had an amazing birthday today! Today was my 12 birthday by the way. Ok so here's the thing about me: I don't like birthdays. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the birthday Grinch or whatever but I just don't see a point in MY birthday. It's just one year closer to *****. What's so special? Also it's basically people congratulating you for surviving another year. And I guess that's me. Because I am so proud of you. You held strong for another year. You are alive. And I think that's what you should focus on right now. Your trying your best. And if no one else see's that, well I do. And honestly? I don't know if your gonna be ok. And maybe that's ok. Because you don't have to be happy to be yourself. But who are you? Right now, I'm just a mix of what people want to see. Even while I'm by myself, I still don't know who the real me is. But who are you now, GE? Think about that. I was thinking about telling you what I got today, but what's the point? It's probably gone by then or you still have it. But anyway, did you get time to yourself? Did you stay hidden in your room listening to music or reading a book? Or did you plaster a smile on your face and socialize? Well by at least the end of the day, reflect on the last twenty-four hours, as you will remember it forever. Plus it's your last birthday as a minor. I don't know if this is important or not but Grace is currently 17. Her birthday was in July but I just thought you should know. Oh snap. How old is she then? She's 22! How is her university going? Does she like it? Does she still want to become a doctor? And how bout Caleb? He's currently 14 but is turning 15 in November. He'll be... give me a second... 20! I cannot imagine him that old. Is he still the same? Is he still ******? Or has he outgrown that? Did he hit his growth spurt yet, or at all? How bout you? Are you taller then him yet? And I've gone off track. Back to your birthday. Wait. I forgot to mention this before, but can you write back? I know I won't see it, but I'd like it if you did that. Now back to your birthday. Bro, what are you doing, sitting on a computer (or phone...) reading this? Go celebrate! I don't care how that looks like. Whether it's treating yourself to a solo ride around the city or having a dance party in your room or crying over the fact that you growing older (maybe not that though). Just go enjoy yourself for once. I hope you know that you are worth it and I care about you. Have a wonderful birthday (however that looks like) and remember to document it. Imagine if our 22 year old self sees these letters. (If you are, future future self, I hope you have an amazing birthday too and that you are doing well.) And even if you don't want to do anything or your unmotivated too, or even if maybe our mental health took a turn for the worst. Just know that if you don't want to do it for you, do it for me, your twelve year old self with young flesh but and old heart. Do it for the childhood we didn't really get in on. Do it for the days we were on the outside, looking in. Do it for our seven year old self. Our five year old self. Our tiny little body, new to the world. Do it for me. Happy 17th birthday, GE. I love you. I care. Your PastSelf.