A letter from Jul 15th, 2021

Peaceful right?

hello its me again id like to just vent again because i really feel ****** about myself right now and i feel like the only way to "escape" is by suicide which is what i've been trying to avoid all these years but the thought keeps coming back and i don't know what to do anymore i just feel so lost and alone with nobody to talk to i don't even feel like my own mother cares for me anymore and its so selfish of me to think because she gives me EVERYTHING i have but i still feel like she just doesn't give a **** about me and that shes just super tired of my ********. i truly hate this mindset that i have right now but i just cant escape it at all it just feels like my whole purpose in living is just gone like i have nothing to do here but for the sake of my family and friends i will not **** myself but it feels like i'm just living to keep them happy and not actually living for myself its truly frustrating and i wish i could just live like every other kids that are happy and go lucky right now playing games and ****, I want to have that childhood. but i guess its too late now im almost becoming a teen so i guess my time is up. i just wish i could've made my childhood a bit more pleasant to remember but i guess things don't always work out how you want them to, right? i guess all i can do for now is cry and suck it up for a bit longer. -your 12 year old self, katelyn.

Epilogue

about 2 months later

honey, I'm so sorry. if I said it "gets better" then I'd be lying to you, again.

Yeah same here, we're still feeling that way. if anything.....

Chskaflaba ers?wo this fo utjs etcxa cirygn ykwno istlwh dah em etlrte gwnriti i ypbarbol. . Now tahw alyscbali tht'as too and rthgi mi' ndgoi. "myialf ouy etawnd uoy orf os smgnehoti voyue' pu just uyo nkid mrfo v"nigli neroevye rzeielda tdsete enigv th,ta ti isfredn of and ryuo. Day etwn ra;ielze they idtd'n esnrfdi o?d you osme idd vene flte whta adn ethy on tboau htey tehri. Eben btu dewatn awy noe i saw it aylwas i ntgih siipdrehfn ngtemhois a sha ti ikel ro i dleerzia na won tulaca tca essgu ot. Inercghe tdwnae off 'id i,gnmhesot ihetr be to heimgsotn eb hyet mdni eth if up ehrt,e hmet tge neo hyet 'id need if. Uoy ouyr a ofr hwiel tahw veen nac by if t'tsah rfo hatt sei"fn,rd clal ouy htme ilvn"gi netma. Uoy ulyctlaa noydbo been ubt sha ehetr rfo. . Tye tlstaea. Wtha gsesu a to otn t'sle ti i ka,te rsagu tbu tmarue bit tno wya oatc yas nad it oaneymr to tsih si shurt susck ti. A ywa hrhsa. Phogni ppahy eno just l'wel im hbto dya be. Ym sa leef fo ofr ofrm that the teakn was i from em ikel ilcdohhod agnveil ebdn,hi me sratt. Siecn nidcenti ever h*t*ta padpeehn. 'im of siagwtn cdrase my tene wno raeys. I trowh immsoeets slmefy tish lgin?vi ta'ths si ahtw aks fiel. Tno i rfo noe eht it's s'tath fro, ophde eusr. .
.
Yr kaet old 1-4.

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