Hello! Today is 29th june, 2 a.m. You are now 22 years old, but your birthday is coming soon - whole **** 23 years old. Can’t even remember exact age right away. Hah, in 2023 you will be 25.
Yesterday you finally came back home, Moscow, from 5-days trip, that emotionally seemed to last for several months. No joke - for 24 hours to be in five cities, three airpots, couple busses and jeep in mountains. You were at the end of earth, the Arctic region. Teriberka. And that is where you were terrified for the first time in your life - that he was going to hit you. He screamed and threatened you. It was hard to leave and you ran as fast as you can. And so you lost a friend.
This spring you lost another friend, because you were not in the resource to support her problems. You were scared, how bad her situation was - since childhood. You found a therapist for her and chose yourself.
And before all this, in the fall and winter, you were on antidepressants. It was also hard - so much hopeless loneliness, where you were for everyone free psychologist and bank-loan. Except yourself.
In January you met a guy, in twitter and you accidentally met for real in June. It was good, but also there was a feeling like it was too early and your roads have not supposed to cross yet. But there was also a feeling, like everything is ahead. Maybe it is. Maybe it is not.
Oh girl, few weeks ago you finished university and got scared, what will be now? You have been waiting for this freedom for so long and suddenly here it is.
Dear sunshine, I hope by this time you will love yourself more. You will find a job and a city of your dreams. You will have healthy environment. And after two years of work experience you will find out, what life you want to lead. And what kind of master’s degree to choose.
And everything will be okay.
Epilogue
2 days later
Hello! Today is 30th June, 8.52 p.m. You are now 24 and very very soon will be 25 years old. And it's been two very fucked up years. Congratulations, you...
Evsdvuir tmeh. Ueuftr m,e ubaot osrry ntuerd larely tpas how het m i oesm of otu rtap.
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Uyo untoma oynutrc a na tie)m teh go ntca' ,jbo oqsc,euncesen nt,nioplna-hroesi citxo iodvc eivl ibt whit and ruyo uoy otn rvye a n(ad / vusebai dgoo hwree arw orf fo emlhadon neteewb wunonnk. No an ai-awrtn dna rsvniamtietida saretr an esac dorcer. Amltos rboshrte ruyo iedd. Ttsea, egeedr naer rtsmsea` ni ritrsteor aspnl ni usctk no and oyu a. Fo dna hedat lesoc uyor nloy efnrdi teh nad limayf eon gadnadr a. ,oh oyu dna gesuryr teaedrsyy dha. Koje hawt a. .
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Ufsoc rsetsheneelv ouy ddi teh cclohmpsai 'selt on y,he btu inthgs gdoo. Llraye vaeh oyu het was elraend dna ti rloyusef htvweear ot ndede kcuf siht leov. Sreaamebdrs aghrein yuo ryou oorp dtesppo tubao nigbe. Ni ihedk in eht raamien rakoakl uoy dna hte adn ailta, nbee akgirlnnaid kelsa ahve. Of a odog uoy poelpe tol etm. And oyru nad bdrnoyefi ceinrg tme oyu hwe(re lsiaco ubeluatif dan lsfee hwmo it ouy ouy a )anziagm neve osoo elcrci eorttegh ,mreo ondulefrw aepndedx hwti. Onfdu llyrae sleeicn you ogt vrside'r cein uryo dna a obj. Atth htsi flynila amesh taht you - uyo sgiyan way ot tnddi’ wtah pay and rsettda tettnioan uraiknnai a aer uoy eoebfr. To aevtni l(elw oyur orf )ekerg naggaleu elran adn oned insttarg oals.
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Nad you to i and iwsh dnik rndauetevs eanmir gsuueacoro. Ihtw plane keih eymab ahtt or on ouy pujm ehtparuca will go ni. Ambey arc lwil ueksnbta,iz febore you atvler oyu wdneta a toobiinismal adnoru lkie nad ernt adn syytgznkra uunmta tlas. Sdnfrie yuo nwo ggreiao ni nda ianemar vhea. Ilwl eb ot icrveee uas lbea hte yrsea in a dan oyu ot fwe aflimy ku het oiaitsivtnn. Ohylpu,fel the and ua. To the if eavh dnonu iontab lliw iitoylssipb szpinhtceii ouy. ,eyh be ginht epuocisr nose enesgi ryuo lilw tsmo eovdl tub hte. To oi,naptmyrtl mtso yoru oyu nad nerin emes indf droefme eavh. Dink no ’whtas amrtte of ggoin mtreat dnmead tawh oesluryf in you siht on dna owldr on dnfi ntisiaolo.
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Ayko ilwl nda eb gvhnrteeiy.
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P. S. Setmosmie skape ygu you twhi hatt ltils. Si i,t nw'ot tgnegti tgo he bveeeli oyu a eiocdrv eydraal astl reirmad nad aery.
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