A letter from Jun 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I am so glad I stumbled upon this great feature. So much has happened in my life in the last 5 years. My marriage ended in 2017. Which I was happy it did. I could not live with a man that did not love me, respect me or be truthful to me. Then in 2018 I met the most wonderful man, D. ( only I need to know who he is), I often said it was too good to be true. And it was. We were supposed to be together forever, we talked and planned, but he thought and changed. He broke my heart in the worst way. I needed therapy, at the tune of $1650.00 to #GET OVER HIM. Thanks to Cherlyn, I did. It was just awful feeling the way I did and I did not want to stay under that dark cloud any longer. So now I help her when I can, to help other women realize and accept it is time to put those F*cktard's to the curb. I want to feel like I am doing something good. I want to make a difference in the lives of women who all they want is to be loved kindly, treated wisely. It has been over a year since that break and I still do not have a boyfriend. Sometimes I am sad and lonely. I just want to be able to share my heart and my life with a special man and get that in return. I will not settle for less than what I deserve. I am worthy of that. I will honour those boundaries and requirements always. I have started a 21 day Find your Soulmate Challenge. It involves meditation, which I have been doing the last 6 months , clean eating of vibrational foods, journaling and exercise. The journaling part required writing a letter to your self. And, well, I remember I have this app to try. So here I am. Of course the letter for the Challenge is not what I am writing here, but I have been meaning to do this. No better time than the present. Here is something I say daily. "I release all things in the past that has caused me any negative attachment. I prepare and welcome new changes, new adventures and new lessons. I welcome new opportunities to grow emotionally, spiritually and mentally." I firmly believe with the right mindset I will be able to find peace and happiness. I wonder if in time I will still be saying that mantra? Will I remember it? The prayer I say all the time is "Dear God, come into my world and take away all my pain and heal my broken heart. Reveal to me the man of my dreams, the man of my heart, the man of my future. Amen." It is my hope and dream that all the work I am doing on myself and for myself will bring me much joy and love. I wonder when I will find my true love. Maybe he will find me? I wonder what my future holds? Maybe I will be alone? God I sure hope not! I used to think that in 5 or 10 years down the road I'd run into D at Costco and we'd give it a try once more. But right now I know I could not live through the pain he caused me again. I know that God is in my heart and I in His. I know He is watching over me and I put my trust in Him. I do not want this to sound all preachy, but the truth is I am a spiritual woman. I hope that never changes. Geeze, I haven't even begun to talk about my 2 beautiful young sons that I love so dearly. N (23) is still sorting out career path. He is in school but wants to take a semester off due to Covid ( I have not even delved into that!). I just pray that he finishes school and gets a place of his own. He deserves to find his rainbow. J ( 21) will be going into his last year in the Fall. I can see him in banking and finance. He's got a thing for stocks too! He has an amazing girlfriend. I wonder if they will stay together? Oh,. Bitcoin is the talk of the stocks all the time. I wish I had money to invest in it. Can't do that if I don't get my alimony! I pray that get resolved soon, he's behind 2.5 years! What did I do to deserve that? My one blessing I care to care about is D taught me how much fun travel can be. In the time we were together we went to Italy, England, Wales, Portugal, Spain. I promised myself that no matter what I would continue to travel, even if it meant going on my own. I am just waiting for Covid to be over so that I can truly immerse myself in the great big world. Say Yes more than No! Those were my challenging words to myself since my separation. It has brought me many blessings, joys, memories. I hope I have continued to embrace that in my life. Here are a few words that mean something to me now: Sunward, Ducklings, FitRise, Insight Timer, Lemon Water & ACV, Kale, Quinoa, Luna, and forever more Chloe. This has been a joy, I hope that when I do read it I will be able to look back and give myself a high five and say, "You made it Girl!"