A letter from January 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, You made a mistake. You caught feelings for your FWB. You knew you would. You basically had feelings for him from the start. Hopefully one year from now this whole situation is a thing from the past. Hopefully you can stay friends with Anthony because deep down you know your friendship means more to you than the hookups you two had. A part of me deeply regrets starting our fwb relationship at all... after all, it was destined to end badly, at least for me. On the other hand I know it was worth it. It's almost like we dated. I learned so many valuable lessons from him. Lessons about trust, communication, knowing my value. Honestly he's a great guy. However gets to date him one day is hella lucky. He made me feel simultaneously safe and vulnerable, something that I never even felt with my ex. I guess this is what I would say: our relationship was good for me for that point in time. He showed me how I deserve to be treated. He made me realize the toxicity in my last relationship. I am so grateful for that because now I know what to look for in a relationship moving forward. Although I am thankful, I am still hurt. It hurts even more knowing that at one point he did have feelings for me. He told me he doesn't want to date because he's dating for marriage, and won't marry anyone who isn't the same religion as him. I almost wish he never told me. It makes it worse. At least he was open and honest, didn't want me feeling hurt in the long run. That part of it was understandable. While I wish I could blame him for my sadness, I cannot. He has done everything right. I put myself into a situation where I knew I would be hurt. Okay, enough about the past. You will get this letter in one year. I want to say "I hope you have a boyfriend" but I don't even know if that's true. I am not sure I am ready to be in a relationship. I used to be so independent, so confident, didn't give an f about what anybody else said. Now I care too much about what guys think. That wouldn't bode well for me in a relationship. I gave Dante advice one day, telling him that he's too desperate for a relationship. Why won't I listen to that advice myself? I need to be happy enough alone before I can go chasing someone else. Love, PastMe