A letter from September 24th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Hi, I went to the therapist for the first time yesterday, how is that going? Did you stick with it? I hope you did. Are you on meds yet? How are you handling the breakup? Right now it's still really fresh, and it hurts with every breath thinking that I messed things up so badly. Have your eating habits gotten better? Did you stop losing so much weight? Can you fit into those leggings without getting lost? Have you gone thrifting lately? Whats your favorite find? Do your friends still talk behind your back? Are they still your friends? Because right now it feels like they don't want to be. I got a job today. How is that going? Please tell me you didn't mess it up, it's the only thing we've got. Do you want to be alive? Or are you still just existing? Right now all I can think about is how badly I wish I weren't here. I wish I were home. I know a month isn't that far away. But a month ago from today I could at least get out of bed in the morning. Hopefully you're reading this getting ready to go have a good day, or just getting back from one. Maybe things turned around quickly. Reflect on this, ok? It's important to, don't just delete it.

Epilogue

almost 2 years later

I did stick to a therapist however the one I went to here told me to go to conversion therapy so we found...

A oen teebrt. Yman i am no smed. I not em bste denrsif my eht tesoh s’it hpneedap l’ouvdec ctnatoc atht xe or ranomye gnthi in with to dna am. Eilv fo efsyml thnwii adn elyfre rhoet i speshpian leearnd plpeeo neidats to iwhtin i nudof. At swa eht i lefi ingog outrhhg fo ahtt osnhtm owrst atth teh tiem ym ewre. Lfie i a vener utb for flte eelf oeebfr oyj i wno. ’mi teiltl hte fun ovgnli etdexic histgn and to aehv. Og tuoab atclluya just ma ot wokr otin i. Obj maes. Eon ehsadtr asw tmso the iarwderng loyapbbr fo uto ym when utb to it job siht em ggitnet fo tinghs gllnupi cmea ipdosernes teh. Wtna dogin eb i ot im’ omer ilesresnyca btu to’nd athn jstu itgseinx eialv. Ese i urteuf a onw. Rof eht stap m’i urelaftg. Ustj hte heerdlmeowv isosemmet with sepetrn. Clla eomh i ltils ihws acple had a ot i. I i hkitn sbesedi herwe yrltu sehuo ta ever nmae i ’dton ohme lfte my. I tuo nca nwo bde tge of. Mi’ pdpeiraigsan i awer dton’ ton ngslggei oaerymn but. Yoak itkhn ondgi i m’i. Revy siht taels ta nodgi eth wotre when berett uhcm ahnt i. .

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