A letter from September 2nd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I feel like I have to tell you something about us. I don't know if you still remember our little diary where we keep our thoughts or if you continue having a second version of it (because I know you have a rough time in your college life, which by the way next month is the start of the 1st term as a college student). if you have time you please read it. this letter is not to remind you about it hahaha it's actually to write something about what I realized right now, I know I should have written this on our "diary of thoughts" but I feel like one day, if you read this, it has much more emotion and feelings since I wrote this one for you (you know that when we write something on our "diary of thoughts" we always think of what other people would say once they read it, that's why I decide to just send this realization to my future self so that it has more personality to it. I just want you to remember, 12 years ago (7 years from me) when we're starting our high school life. life there was simple, we go to school to study and have some time with our friends, after that we go home and watch some videos on television or random videos on YouTube. Back then we don't overthink life, especially the future. those where the times where we believe the quote "live in the moment". as time progresses our understanding of life becomes difficult to understand. happiness seems too hard to find. I know you miss your 12-15 year-old self, an age where grades are just numbers. (I know this letter shouldn't be about reminding you things, but hear me out) if 7 years ago, time machine were built, and see my self today, that past self would be on shock for how far he'd reach, how strong he was, how passionate he'd become. as I look at the past there are things I envy, maybe you envy me right now. but you had reached that far, and I envy you just like how my past self envies me right now. you are that far and right now I'm still here, afraid of these obstacles I'll be facing. we envy so much we forget the thing we had, the things we achieved. as of now, I don't know if future me would be able to read this if you or I will be able to read this, for I have no hope for the future. but if you read this, congratulation. 7 years ago I did not know I would fall in love with photography and video editing, 7 years ago I would not believe I won an oratorical contest, 7 years ago I would not believe I'll have a line of 9 grade on my average grade, 7 years ago I would not believe that I have enough strength to accept myself for who I was. but 7 years ago I was hopeless too, I may forget the reasons maybe because I have achieved a lot of things in life, but I have achieved those things I've mention. and you have achieved a lot of things in life too, do not give up. right now there's no future me that would uplift me for having these emotions I do not understand, but I'll try to let you (my future-self) see this letter, I will not give up.